


No Longer A Mistake

by Current521



Category: The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals - Team StarKid
Genre: AU, Children, F/M, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Slow Burn, TW Child Abuse mention, eventually, mostly just happy stuff, some angst here and there but uhh, ted has a kid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:22:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 33
Words: 37,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23248441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Current521/pseuds/Current521
Summary: Ted's son is nearly six, and while he's always been around, he's never been involved. That changes. It changes around the same time he starts hooking up with Charlotte.
Relationships: Charlotte/Ted (The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals)
Comments: 328
Kudos: 67





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I can't believe this is done, it's been around for.... A long time
> 
> By the way, there will be mentions of child abuse at a few places, it's not explicit and I will put warnings on the individual chapters when it shows up, but uhh, Ted has had a bad childhood and is trying to (and succeeding at) being better for his own and he talks about it sometimes

CCRP Technical is not the nicest workplace in the world, Ted thinks, but at least the cubicles are closed off enough that he can have a picture on his desk without everyone being able to see it.

At least that’s what he thinks, until Charlotte stops by his cubicle one day. “Who’s that?” she asks, pointing to the picture.

“Tanya and Emmanuel,” Ted replies. “What do you want?”

“Um, I was thinking…” She averts her eyes. “Do you wanna walk with me to Beanie’s?”

He smiles and shrugs. “Sure, I could use a break.” He closes his computer and stands up. “But why don’t you just go alone? You normally do.”   
She shrugs. “I don’t know. Figured I wanted some company.” She smiles and heads to the door. “Plus,” she says when they come outside, “I need a cigarette and I don’t have any.”   
Ted pats his pockets knowing full well that they’re empty. “Nope, sorry. Don’t have any.” He smiles. “I usually don’t, I don’t really smoke.”   
“Oh well.” Charlotte smiles. “Mind if we stop at a kiosk on the way then?”   
“Not at all.” He waits for her to buy cigarettes. “Can I have one, though?”

“Yeah, sure.” She hands him the pack and then a lighter. “I would’ve taken you for the type to have cigarettes everywhere.”

“As I said, I don’t really smoke.” He shrugs. “Well, not around kids, so I don’t keep them around,” he amends.

“Kids?” Charlotte raises an eyebrow.

“Well, Emmanuel specifically.” They’ve made it to Beanie’s, so he pushes the door open. “There’s a limit to how many kids I’m around.” It occurs to Ted that Charlotte probably has no idea what he’s talking about, but that’s just fine. It’s not like he talks about it.

His phone rings as they walk back to the office. It’s Tanya. “Hey, what’s up?”

“Can you pick up Emmanuel? Pre-school just called, apparently he’s sick, and I can’t leave work now.”

“Sure.” Ted checks his watch; it’s three hours until he’s off. “I’ll call you when I’m home.” He hangs up and looks at Charlotte. “Hey, can you tell Mr. Davidson I had a family emergency? I need to go.”   
“Isn’t your family on the other coast?” Charlotte asks.

“Not all of it.” Ted’s already walking towards his car. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He drives out to pick up Emmanuel, who’s been coughing, and takes him home. His phone rings again the second they step through the door. “Hi, this is Ted.”   
“Ted, it’s Mr. Davidson,” comes the voice from the other end of the line.

“Oh hi.” Ted sighs. “Sorry for leaving so suddenly, as I told Charlotte, family emergency.” He tucks the phone between his shoulder and head to free his hands, taking Emmanuel’s jacket off.

“Yeah, about that, what family?” Mr. Davidson sounds genuinely confused. “I didn’t think you had any family in town.”   
“Yeah, that’s kind of not true.” Ted picks up Emmanuel and carries him to the living room. He sighs. “I have a son, he’s sick, his mother couldn’t pick him up. I’m sorry, I know it’s inconvenient, but I’ll make it up another time if I have to.”

“No, no, it’s fine.” Mr. Davidson’s tone has changed completely. “I mean… It’s certainly a surprise, I didn’t know you had kids.”

“Kid,” Ted corrects. He smiles at Emmanuel, who’s tugging on his sleeve, then takes the phone away for a second. “Just a moment, I’ll be right there.” He picks the phone back up. “Yeah, it’s not something I advertise, and I’d appreciate if you didn’t like, tell anyone, alright? I’ll see you tomorrow.”   
“See you.” Mr. Davidson hangs up.

Ted looks at Emmanuel. “What’s up kid?”

“Can I have lemonade?” he asks. He looks pleading.

Ted shrugs. “Sure.” He ruffles Emmanuel’s hair. “Don’t tell your mom I let you have lemonade on a weekday, alright? It’ll be our little secret.”   
Emmanuel beams at him. “Yay.”

“Alright.” Ted shakes his head a bit, but goes to the kitchen and finds some lemonade and pours some in a plastic cup. “Here you go.” He walks back to the living room and hands the cup to Emmanuel. “Be careful not to spill on the couch.”

“Thanks.” Emmanuel tugs on his wrist again. “Can we watch TV?”

“A little bit,” Ted relents. He knows full well that he’s far too soft when it comes to Emmanuel, but he’s allowed. It’s his kid, after all. “I’m just gonna call your mom first, alright? Then we can watch TV.” Emmanuel nods, so Ted takes out his phone and calls Tanya. “Hey, I’m home with Emmanuel now.”   
“Okay good. Is he alright, what’s up? They didn’t say, just asked me to pick him up.” She sounds worried, or maybe just stressed.

“He’s fine, don’t worry. Just a cough, they just said they didn’t want him infecting any of the other kids if it’s a cold or something. He doesn’t seem to have a fever, but I’ll keep an eye on it.” Parenting is not Ted’s strong suit in the natural talents department, but he’s learned what kind of things are expected from him. It definitely helps that he’s not a full-time parent.

“Okay, good.” Tanya sounds notably more relieved. “I’ll come by when I’m off.”   
“Yeah, I mean, I can take tomorrow off probably, if you want him to stay here,” Ted says. “I know you’re busy.” And maybe he just hasn’t seen Emmanuel in a while and is kinda happy to get to spend time with him, but there’s no reason to mention that to Tanya.

“That would actually be great.” Tanya sighs, even more relieved. “I’ll come by with his things tonight, then.”   
“Sure. I’ll see you then.” Ted hangs up without waiting for her to reply, because he’s not particularly concerned with what Tanya thinks about him as a person. They just need to be on good terms because he wants to see his son. “Hey, looks like you’ll be staying here tonight.” He gives Emmanuel a kiss on the head.

“Nice.” Emmanuel smiles. “Can we watch TV now?”   
“Of course.” Ted reaches for the remote and turns the TV on, flipping to a children’s channel. He’s not super invested in cartoons, so he takes out his phone and shoots an email to Mr. Davidson, asking for the following day off, and then mentally goes through what food he has in his kitchen. Probably not enough to feed a rather picky five-year-old, he knows, so he texts Tanya and asks her to pick up a few things on the way.

He does turn the TV off after about an hour. Emmanuel protests, but Ted makes a point out of explaining that they also have to do real stuff.  _ Real stuff _ that day is admittedly just staying curled up on the couch with Ted reading aloud while Emmanuel half listens, half sleeps, but it’s still nice.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, I made a playlist for this when I was writing, it's here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1Is9evUuwB9rTRAzALdOnK?si=0oudaVobQPecifvuw70IJg

Tanya arrives a few hours later. Emmanuel is properly asleep by then, so Ted carries him to the door to open. “Hey, thanks a lot.” He smiles at her and takes the duffel bag of Emmanuel’s things, and the plastic bag of groceries, putting each down immediately.

“Thanks for taking him.” She smiles back. “Can I come in for a bit?”

“Sure.” Ted steps aside and lets her in. “I think he’s still asleep.”

“‘M not asleep,” Emmanuel murmurs from Ted’s shoulder, clearly only just waking up now. He looks up at Tanya. “Hi mom.”

“Hey.” She gives him half a hug, without taking him from Ted, and gives him a kiss on the hair. “Have you had fun with your dad today.”

“Yeah.” Emmanuel smiles. Then he lowers his voice to a whisper, as though Ted isn’t still holding him and can hear him. “He let me have lemonade, but he said not to tell you.”

Tanya smiles. “That’s nice of him,” she whispers back. Then she looks up at Ted. “Don’t let him have too much.”

“I know.” Ted rolls his eyes at her. “I’ve only been around for his entire life.” He picks up the groceries and walks into the apartment proper. “Can you take his things to his room?” He nods towards the door to the room that is technically a guest room, but mostly just Emmanuel’s room. “I’ll go start dinner. Do you wanna stay and eat?” He doesn’t like Tanya much, really, but she’s a good mother, and he’ll be damned if Emmanuel knows, so he puts up with her.

“No, I figured I’d make use of a night alone and go out with a friend, but thanks.” She puts the duffel back down in the room. Then she walks back. “I just wanted to say hi.”

“Sure.” Ted is still holding Emmanuel on one arm, so he walks to the kitchen to put the groceries down. “You’re getting too big to carry around like this,” he says, leaning his head against Emmanuel’s.

“No I’m not.” Emmanuel tightens his arms around Ted’s neck. “I’ll never be too big.”

“You’re gonna be taller than me one day.” He gives him a kiss on the cheek. “One day you’ll have to carry me around.”

“Never!” Emmanuel laughs. “Mom tell him I’m never gonna carry him.”

Tanya shakes her head at them. “Be nice to each other.” She walks over to give Emmanuel a kiss on the head. “I’ll head out. I’ll see you guys tomorrow. Take care, alright?” She gives Ted a hug, Emmanuel between them. “Be nice to your dad.”

“Bye mom.” Emmanuel smiles.

Ted smiles too. “See you tomorrow. Have fun.”

“Thanks.” Tanya smiles, ruffles Emmanuel’s hair one last time, and leaves.

“Well.” Ted bounces Emmanuel on his hip a bit. “Looks like it’s just us. You’re gonna have to get down so that I can make dinner.”

“I don’t wanna get dinner, I wanna read.” Emmanuel looks at Ted with pleading eyes. “Can we read?”

“I don’t know…” Ted relents, because he always does. “Alright, one chapter. But then I have to go make food.” He carries Emmanuel to the living room and sits back down on the couch, picking up the book. “Where were we?”

Emmanuel excitedly recounts the last few events of the book, and Ted pretends to look for it, although he’s used an old receipt as a bookmark.

He does make them get up after only a single chapter and go make dinner. Emmanuel sits at the table and talks while Ted cooks; about pre-school and why it’s different from kindergarten, and about how high he can count. He demonstrates, and Ted kind of does zone out on that, but he smiles and says he’s proud of him, so it’s alright.

He’s not a great parent, but he knows this, and it’s fine. Emmanuel is five and knows full well Ted will let him get away with far more than Tanya will, so he asks for things. It makes it easier, because he’s learned the difference between Emmanuel asking about a normal thing and Emmanuel asking about something Tanya won’t let him have, and Ted can gauge whether he’s gonna relent or not. He relents when Emmanuel asks for more lemonade after dinner, but only half a cup. He does not relent when he asks if they can have cake, because it’s still a work night, and he wants him to sleep. He does relent when Emmanuel asks if he can stay up later than normal, but only by half an hour.

Tanya calls around the time he’s supposed to go to bed. “I just wanted to say goodnight.”

“Of course.” Ted turns on the camera in his phone and hands it to Emmanuel. “Say goodnight to your mom.”

Emmanuel takes the phone and smiles. “Hi mom!”

“Hey baby. Are you headed to bed.”

Ted, out of frame for Tanya, nods. “Yes!” Emmanuel says. He smiles at Ted. “We were just about to go to bed.”

“That’s good.” Tanya laughs. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” Emmanuel smiles and hands the phone to Ted.

“Goodnight,” Ted says, because saying nothing feels rude.

“Goodnight.” Tanya smiles. “Thanks again.”

“Always happy to take him.” Ted smiles back. “See you.”

“See you.” Tanya hangs up.

Ted pulls Emmanuel into a hug. “It’ll be our little secret.” He kisses the top of his head. “But we should go to bed soon, okay? I’m also tired.”

Emmanuel pouts. “Will you read for me?”

“Of course.” Ted picks up Emmanuel and walks to the bathroom. “Come on, time to brush your teeth.”

Ted gets Emmanuel ready for bed and sits with him and reads for a while. Then he just sits with him because there’s a double bed in the spare room, and he can sit while Emmanuel sleeps without disturbing him, and it’s been nearly a month since he’s slept over, and Ted kinda misses when he was very young and slept in his room when he was over.

Apparently, Ted is more tired than he thought, because he falls asleep in Emmanuel’s bed.

He gets woken up by Emmanuel. “Dad, why are you sleeping here?”

Ted blinks awake. “Hey kid.” He smiles. “Huh, I must’ve fallen asleep.”

Emmanuel laughs. “You’re still wearing your day clothes.”

And he’s right, Ted is still in his work clothes, because he really hadn’t intended on sleeping there. “Oh well.” He smiles and sits up. “Should we get breakfast?”

“Yes!” Emmanuel jumps out of bed. “Can we have pancakes?”

“No, that’s a little much.” Ted gets up as well. “Go get dressed, I’ll go get some clean clothes as well, then we’ll see what we have.”

He goes to his own room to find a fresh shirt. He checks his phone on the way; an email from Mr. Davidson confirming him staying home — which is good, ‘cause he’d turned off his alarm, so it’s almost nine — and a text from Charlotte. Is everything alright? You left suddenly and you’re not at work today.

He looks at it for a while. As far as he’s concerned, she doesn’t know that he has a kid, and he kind of prefers it like that. Yeah, it’s fine, I’m just dealing with stuff. I’ll be back tomorrow. It’s vague enough that he doesn’t actually tell her anything. He’ll have to think of a better lie, knowing that she’ll ask, but it’s not a concern right now. Right now, his biggest concern is finding something he can reasonably give his five-year-old son for breakfast.

He has eggs, and it’s not great, but Emmanuel likes scrambled eggs, and it’s some kind of food, even if he doesn’t have any toast or anything like that. Ted realises that, every single time Emmanuel visits, he’s forced to confront the fact that he barely eats real food himself. At least he manages, and he’s an adult who can make his own choices, but he ought to have real food just to feed his son. He knows he thinks this every time and hasn’t acted on it yet, so he doesn’t really have high hopes for himself.

It’s fine. He considers turning his phone off for the day, but Tanya might call, so he doesn’t. He does, however, ignore texts from both Paul and Charlotte asking what’s up. He’ll deal with them later; right now, he’s teaching Emmanuel to build a house of cards and, while in no way successful, it’s the most fun he’s had in a while.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soft,,,,, sad,,,,,, this is probably my favourite chapter

After considerable begging from Emmanuel, and Ted realising that he does actually have proper outdoor clothes for him, they go to the park. Emmanuel likes the monkey bars, and while Ted’s heart is in his throat the entire time he’s swinging free, he lets him up there without holding him.

Eventually, he moves on to swings, so Ted sits down on a bench just to watch him. A woman with a toddler in a pushchair stops to chat, and Ted is reminded, not for the first time, that parents tend to assume that other parents know what the fuck they’re talking about, and he usually doesn’t. It’s not that he doesn’t try, it’s just that he’s really more a babysitter than an actual parent, since he has no custody over Emmanuel and is only in his life because Tanya lets him be, he’s never really involved in decision-making. She asks him something about pre-schools in the area, and Ted makes an offhand comment about where Emmanuel goes and school districts, and the woman seems satisfied, or at least she moves on.

He calls Emmanuel over after an hour. “Come on, we’re headed home.”   
“Aww, dad, can’t I stay a little bit? I haven’t tried the slide yet.” Emmanuel pouts, and Ted can tell that he knows exactly what he’s doing.   
“Two rounds.” Ted pats his shoulder. “Then we’re going.”

“Thanks dad!” Emmanuel beams and runs back to the playground. He takes two rounds on the slide, then walks back. “Okay, we can go home now.”   
“Good, let’s go.” Ted takes Emmanuel’s hand as they walk back to the car. “Hey, what do you want for lunch? We need to stop and shop.”   
Emmanuel things for a while. “Fish fingers!”

“Sure.” Ted laughs. “Why not.” He walks back to the car, and they drive out to get groceries.

They sit together and read after lunch again. It’s important to Emmanuel that they finish the book before he has to leave, since he’s not sure when he’ll be back.

Ted puts the book down when there’s still a few chapters missing. “Let’s do something else for a little bit, alright?”

Emmanuel pouts. “But dad, I want to finish it. It’ll be ages before I’m back here, I never see you, I don’t wanna have to wait that long.”

Okay, Ted normally doesn’t mind only seeing Emmanuel once or twice a month and then just having a phone call every few days, but Emmanuel is pouting and tearing up, so he makes a rash decision. “You know, we can ask your mom if you can come here again on the weekend? You don’t have to only be here when she’s busy, you’re allowed to just visit.”   
Emmanuel lights up at that, so Ted doesn’t regret his decision. “Really? Can we call right now and ask?”

“Sure.” Ted takes his phone out and calls Tanya.

“Hey, is anything wrong?” she asks the second she picks up.

“No, no, nothing’s wrong, I just…” Ted looks at Emmanuel and gestures for him to stay seated on the couch. Then he walks to the kitchen. “Emmanuel seemed kinda sad about not seeing me very often, so I said we could ask you if it’s okay he comes over for the weekend? I know he’s not usually here unless you’re busy, but I figured, wouldn’t hurt to let him visit.”   
“I don’t know…”   
“Tanya, I’m his dad, not a fucking babysitter.” Ted sighs. “I know I haven’t been as involved as I could be, but come on, I wanna spend time with him. I’ve let you make decisions because I know this is important to you, but he’s my son too, you know.”   
“I know.” Tanya stays quiet for a moment. “Sure. I’ll still pick him up tonight, but if you wanna pick him up when you’re off Friday, I can bring over some more stuff immediately.”   
“Yeah, thanks.” Ted breathes a sigh of relief; he hadn’t realised how much he’d expected her to say no. “I think he’ll probably ask to come over more often, I told him he was allowed to just visit, so you know… Be prepared for that. But thanks, I’ll make sure to have stuff ready for the weekend too.”

“Yeah.” Tanya sighs again. “Oh, and Ted? If he’s gonna be coming over more often, let him actually have his own room.”   
“Yeah, I will, I’ve been meaning to anyway.” He smiles a little and begins to head back to the living room. “Alright, thanks Tanya, I’ll tell him.”   
“Sure. Bye Ted.”   
“Bye.” He hangs up and smiles at Emmanuel.

“What did mom say? Did she say yes? Can I live here?” He’s almost bouncing in his seat.   
“Whoa, slow down there.” Ted smiles and ruffles his hair. “She said yes, so you can be here for the weekend.” He pulls him into a hug. “I thought you like living with your mom.”   
“Yeah, but she doesn’t let me do as many fun things as you.” Emmanuel doesn’t pull away from the hug when Ted loosens his arm, so Ted picks him up properly. “And she doesn’t read with me as often.”   
“That’s a shame.” Ted pulls Emmanuel into a proper hug. “But you know, you’re mostly allowed fun things here because it’s a treat. If you lived here we’d have to have real rules.” He laughs. “But we’ll definitely read more on the weekend. You know, I think this book is a series, so it doesn’t matter if we finish it today, then we’ll just continue on Friday.”   
“But Friday is a whole…” Emmanuel hesitates and counts on his fingers, still holding onto Ted with one hand. “It’s a whole three days away!”

“Yeah, but it’ll pass quickly.” Ted kisses him on the cheek. “And I don’t think your mom is on her way right now, it’s still pretty early, so we can spend a little more time.”

“Okay.” Emmanuel smiles. “You promise I can come here on the weekend?”   
“I promise. I don’t have any plans, and I won’t make any.” He looks over at the door to Emmanuel’s room. “Hey, I have an idea.” He carries him over there. “I’m gonna have to paint the walls in here soon anyway. Do you want a coloured wall?”

“Yes!” Emmanuel frees himself to get to the floor. “I asked mom if I could have a blue wall at home but I can’t, so can I have one here?”   
“Sure.” Ted laughs. “I’ll paint a wall blue, and I’ll get you some more stuff for here. You can have a proper room, then.”

“Yay.” Emmanuel beams up at him. “Can I get to keep some of my stuff here too?”   
“If you want to.” Ted has considered it before, just a few things, just for when he comes over kind of last-minute. “Maybe on Friday we can go buy a toothbrush and stuff you can have here, and maybe some new sheets? Some that are a little more fun than these ones?”   
“That would be fun.” Emmanuel smiles. “Then I can tell mom that I can just come over whenever.”   
“Yeah, when I’m not busy.” He picks Emmanuel up again, because he really is on the bigger side of what Ted can comfortably carry, and he kinda wants to savour it. Because it’s fun, and he knows it’s one of those things he’s gonna miss later, like the sleeping and reading aloud. Which he still does, of course, but he’s noticed Emmanuel trying to read along as he’s slowly learning to read. “Okay, I think I’ve had enough of a break, do you wanna continue reading?”

“Yeah.” Emmanuel smiles. “There are more books right?”

“Of course.” It’s a lie, it’s the only one he has, but it doesn’t matter. As long as he remembers to swing by either a bookstore or the library before Friday, it doesn’t matter. “Maybe we can put up a shelf in your room so you can keep books here?” Bookstore it is, then.

Emmanuel nods. “Mmhmm.” He smiles. “How come I haven’t really had things here before?”   
Ted shrugs. “I don’t know. It just hasn’t been necessary. But you’re getting bigger now, so you need more things. And then it’s not fun for me or your mom to carry them back and forth.”   
“Dad, can I ask you something?” Emmanuel looks suddenly serious. “It’s very important.”   
“Of course.” He’s prepared for a weird technical question; he’s had to google a ridiculous amount of weird stuff for Emmanuel. “What do you wanna ask?”   
“Kara was talking at school and she said that all parents have to be in love with each other, otherwise it’s not a real family, and I don’t think I’ve ever heard you and mom say you love each other. Are you in love with mom? Are we a real family?” Emmanuel is tearing up proper.

“Oh, of course we are, kid.” Ted kisses his cheek; he wasn’t prepared for this at all, so he stalls for a moment. “You know, no, your mom and I aren’t in love, but that doesn’t mean we’re not a real family. The most important thing is that we both love you.” It’s the best he can do in the moment. “Of course we’re still a real family.”   
“You promise?” He has tears in his eyes.

Ted wipes away the tears. “I promise. Okay, I’m gonna tell you something now, and you have to promise to listen to me, and you have to promise to remember. Do you promise?” Emmanuel nods. “The only thing it takes to be a real family is to feel like you’re a real family. It doesn’t matter if you live together or if you talk every day, or if your parents are in love, or even if they’re your real parents. If you feel they’re your family, then they are, and no one making up stupid rules can change that, okay?” He doesn’t know where it comes from, but he means it. Ted’s own parents weren’t stellar examples of a good family, to understate it a lot, which is why he’s put so much effort into being part of Emmanuel’s life, even if he could have walked out and just paid his damn child support and never been around. But he prefers this, even if it’s a lot harder.

“Okay.” Emmanuel nods solemnly. “I love you dad.”   
Ted feels himself tearing up, so he pulls Emmanuel close to his chest so he doesn’t notice. “I love you too.” He walks to the living room and sits on the couch, still with Emmanuel in his lap. “I think your mom is coming soon.”

“You just said she wasn’t.” Emmanuel sounds notably cheerier, and he frees himself. “Please can we read one more chapter? It’s a good book.”   
“Sure.” Ted has managed to pull himself together enough to smile and reach for the book on the coffee table. “Let’s see where we were…”   
They sit together and read until Tanya rings the doorbell. Ted pulls her aside and tells her about Emmanuel’s questions in a whisper. He’s tempted not to, let it hit her as hard as it did him, until he reminds himself that when it comes to Emmanuel, it doesn’t matter what he wants, and it doesn’t matter that he never wants to see Tanya again, they’re coparents, and he needs it to work. So he tells her. He doesn’t tell her about his plans to paint the bedroom, though; he knows that she’s gonna protest, just because she doesn’t like Ted giving him things she can’t or won’t. But Ted has decided that that’s her ego talking and not anything to do with actual good parenting, so he keeps it from her.   
He says goodbye to Emmanuel, and it sucks a little less than normal because he knows he’ll see him in just a few days. “Three days,” he says. “I’ll pick you up as soon as I’m off on Friday, alright?”

“Alright.” Emmanuel smiles and gives him a hug. “I’ll see you then.”   
“See you.” He stands up and smiles at Tanya. “See you around.”   
“See you.” She looks at Emmanuel. “Ready to go?”   
He nods and follows her out, Ted looking after them.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for that sweet sweet charted content

Ted hasn't thought of a good reason to be out of the office, but he doesn't realise this until the morning, when Charlotte comes up to his cubicle. "Hey, hope everything's okay. You kind of stopped answering…"

He shrugs. "Had my phone off." Best lie he can think of. "Everything's fine, thanks for asking." He smiles at her. "How are you?"

"Oh, uhh, fine, just fine." She's still smiling, but it's a little frozen. "Just fine. Sam hasn't been home much."

"Sorry to hear that." He stands up and leans too close to her. "You know, if ever you want company…"

"Ted!" She pushes him away, but it's light-hearted, and her voice is fondly exasperated more than scandalised. "I love Sam."

"I know." He smirks. "Think about it."

She slowly shakes her head. "I will."

It's the closest she's ever gotten to admitting that she's considered his proposition. "Good." He places a kiss on her hair. "Coffee?"

"Um, yeah." She trails after him to the break room. "Ted, I… Do you have plans after work?"

He shrugs. "Not really. I need to buy some stuff, but it can wait until tomorrow, if you have any suggestions?"

"No, I just…" She sighs. "I don't have a lot of friends. I think I need to do something not involving Sam."

"Sure." Ted shrugs and pours coffee for both of them. "Whatever. Let me know." He hands her a cup. "I'll get back to work." He kisses her forehead again, just because he can, he tells himself.

"Okay." She takes the cup with a smile. She shakes her head slightly at the kiss, but she's still smiling, so Ted considers it a win.

The rest of the day passes relatively quickly. Charlotte texts him at lunch and asks for him to wait for her in the parking lot after work, so he does.

"Hey." She walks towards him, already lighting a cigarette. "Do you want one?"

"No thanks." Ted shakes his head. "I'm trying to quit."

"Yeah, me too." She sighs. "I'm not very good at it."

He shrugs. "I usually just smoke when I'm stressed. What are you stressed about?"

"I don't know… Sam." She sighs. "He's just, he's out all the time and well, I know he works a lot and I'm happy he does, it's nice of him."

"But?"

"But I wish he was around for me more often." She smiles.

Ted wraps an arm around her shoulders. "Well, maybe he's not around, but someone is." He's not into Charlotte, he's decided, it's just fun. She's easy, and she's around. "I've told you before, just let me know."

"Yeah, right." She doesn't step away. "I love Sam."

"Love isn't necessary." He shrugs and pulls her closer. "Trust me."

"Have you ever been in love?"

"Sure." He kisses her head. "Several times. Sex is better when you're not." That last bit is questionable, and he knows it, but he says it anyway. "Think about it."

"I'm a married woman, Ted." She still doesn't step away. "I don't… It's not right."

"Doesn't have to be." He steps away, leaving a hand on her shoulder. "Do you want it?"

"I'm married," she says again.

"Not an answer." He shrugs. "Not that it matters. Do you wanna go anywhere or just hang out in this parking lot?"

"Let's go." She takes a few steps towards the cars, then hesitates. "Do you wanna come to Beanie's with me?"

"Yeah, sure." He smiles. "Let's go."

They walk in silence, but Ted notices Charlotte reaching out for him a couple of times before dropping her hand. He considers just taking her hand, get it over with, but it's more fun to wait for her.

He ends up fairly pleased with himself about that decision; once they've had their coffees and sat down next to each other, Charlotte takes his hand. He smiles, but lets her hold it. They chat some more, and nothing happens, but Ted knows he's won.

He stops by a bookstore on his way home, getting the next two books in the series he's been reading for Emmanuel, and a couple others he gets recommended. He hates parenting when Emmanuel isn't around, but he knows he's gonna be happy he's done it.

Charlotte doesn't speak to him at all the next day. Then she rings the doorbell in his apartment an hour after they're off. "Hey," he says when he opens.

"Do you have time?" she asks.

"Sure." He steps aside to let her in. "What's up?"

"Sam called… He isn't gonna be home until tomorrow and… I don't know, I didn't want to be alone." She hugs herself. "I don't know why I'm here."

"It's fine." Ted wraps his arms around her in a proper hug. "We'll figure that out." He lingers on the hug a little too long, but come on. They both know why she's there, no reason to pretend.

She pulls away after a bit. "I…" She sighs. "I love Sam. But he's not here." She puts a hand on his shoulder. "He's never around anymore."

"A shame, really." Ted smiles. "Can't believe he'd give this up."

She rolls her eyes at him. "I'm trying to make a decision, Ted."

"It's already made," he tells her. "You wouldn't be here if it wasn't." And because he's sure he's right, and because she still hasn't dropped her hand from his shoulder, he reaches out to pull her closer and kiss her.

She breaks away after a second. "I shouldn't…" She hesitates. "I should go."

"Sure." Ted still has one arm around her waist. "You're welcome to. You're also welcome to stay."

She sighs. "I don't know. I'm married."

"Correct. Don't know if you've noticed, I'm not really bothered. Just say the word." He shrugs. "Until you make up your mind, wanna keep making out?"

She rolls her eyes at him, but she pulls him down for another kiss, and that's answer enough.

He takes her to bed after a while. She doesn't let him fuck her, and he kind of gets it. She's married, it's another line to cross. And making out was still better than he expected to get, so it's fine.

She leaves before dinner and asks him not to tell anyone. He wasn't planning on it, so he just agrees and tells her he's there if she ever wants to repeat the experience. Then she's gone.


	5. Chapter 5

Charlotte doesn't talk to him at work the next day at all, and Ted ignores it. It's normal enough, she's ashamed, and he can't really find it in himself to care.

Paul, however, does talk. "Hey Ted."

"Hi Paul." They're in the break room, and Ted just wants to get some coffee and head back to work. "What's up?"

"Oh, we were talking about going out tonight, Bill and I, catch up a little. Wanna come?" Paul doesn't actually look like he wants to invite him.

Ted shakes his head. "No thanks. I have plans." He grins at Paul and leaves. "Some other time."

"Oh." Paul looks relieved. "Some other time."

Ted leaves him standing there and goes back to work, half wondering if he can get away with leaving early, knowing he can't.

The end of the day rolls around, so Ted waves at everyone and is gone. He drives out to pick up Emmanuel.

"Hi dad!" Emmanuel runs up to him as soon as he walks through the door.

Ted kneels down so that he can catch him in a hug. "Hey kid. How are you doing?"

"I'm good." Emmanuel steps away. "Are we going home?"

"Yeah, we just gotta go buy a few things first." Ted stands up and ruffles his hair. "Go get your things and your coat."

Emmanuel runs off, and Ted looks after him. "He talks about you a lot," the kindergarten teacher, who's watched the whole exchange, says. "He misses you."

"Yeah, I know." Ted smiles. "I'd take him more often, but it depends on his mother. Hopefully it'll be easier now that he's getting old enough to ask for me."

"Hopefully." The teacher looks at him. "He's talked about nothing but getting back to your place all week. He comes and asks if it's Friday every few hours, and today he's asked what time it is."

Ted laughs at that. "He can tell the time, usually. And I know he knows the weekdays. Don't know why he'd ask."

"Because he wants an excuse to be excited." The teacher smiles, and Ted realises that she's trying to tell him something, and that he's missing the point completely. "Forgive me for asking, but you don't have custody, do you?"

"No, I don't, I just… Show up." He shrugs. "It's easier for everyone."

"Maybe." She's still looking at him. "Have you ever considered asking for it?"

He shakes his head. "Only if Tanya decides to stop letting me be around. I didn't want kids, I still don't, but it was important to her to keep him. But you know, it's been five years, I may not want kids, but I'm keeping this one."

"You're a good father, he wouldn't be this excited about you if you weren't. Wouldn't hurt to ask."

"No, I guess not." Emmanuel comes running in, so Ted smiles. "Alright, let's go. We're gonna go shopping first."

"Okay." Emmanuel smiles. "Can I get something?"

"We're shopping for you." Ted sends a loose wave in the direction of the teacher, who's still watching them, and begins walking out to the car. "We'll see if you find anything exciting, then I'll make a decision, okay?"

Emmanuel pouts. "I don't have any toys at your place though."

"Well, then maybe toys is one of the things we need." Ted opens the car and gets Emmanuel in. Baby booster seat and a protector on the seatbelt. He keeps it in the trunk normally, but he always takes it out before picking him up.

They drive to a department store and go look for things. A new toothbrush and other toiletries, Ted trying to remember what he actually needs, because he's an idiot who hasn't written it down. Bedsheets, blue ones with cars on them. A stuffed dragon that Emmanuel sees and instantly loves, and Ted decides isn't gonna make a difference. A handful of assorted toys, mostly small cars and animal figurines. He buys a small shelf that he knows he's gonna need to borrow tools to put up, but he had promised a bookshelf. They go to a home depot to look at paint, because honestly, most of the apartment could use a new coat, and if painting one wall in the bright aquamarine blue that Emmanuel picks out is what it takes, Ted is fine doing it.

They go home and unpack all the things. Ted starts a load of laundry immediately, with the new sheets, so that he can put them on before Emmanuel has to go to bed.

"Dad?" Emmanuel has wandered around the apartment for a while, but is back in his own room where Ted is still putting things away.

"Yeah, what's up?" He smiles.

Emmanuel walks all the way over to him. He's holding the stuffed dragon. "Can I have this here always? So that I don't have to bring things back and forth?"

"Of course." Ted sits on the floor and takes the dragon. "Then I can borrow it so I don't get lonely when you're not around." He pitches his voice up and holds out the toy. " _ Hello Emmanuel. I will take care of your dad when you're not here. _ "

Emmanuel laughs and takes the dragon back, clutching it to his chest. "You're silly."

"Aww." Ted acts hurt. "Does it have a name?"

"His name is T." Emmanuel smiles. "Like you and mom."

Ted smiles and pulls Emmanuel into a hug. "That's a good name." He sits like that for a bit, just holding him. "Hey, don't you think it's time for us to get some dinner?"

"Yeah." Emmanuel frees himself from Ted's embrace. "I'm hungry, I want ice cream."

"Dinner first.  _ Maybe  _ you can have ice cream after that." Ted laughs and gets up. "We need real food too." He's definitely pulled the  _ ice cream is real food  _ stunt in the past, but he's fairly certain he was at least ten years older than Emmanuel is. And there's no reason to let mistakes be repeated.

Plus, he thinks as he cooks, if he is going to ask Tanya for shared custody, he has to be a good father, and that means setting boundaries.


	6. Chapter 6

It’s a good weekend. Emmanuel is happy to be there, and Ted is far past the point in his life where he pretended like he was only doing it to prove to himself that he could be better than his own parents. He’s less concerned about that now, mostly because he knows he’s doing better, and he’s admitted to himself that he cares. About Emmanuel, about having a relationship with him, about being a halfway decent father. He likes spending time with Emmanuel, even if it’s exhausting at times, and he’s willing to admit that he wishes it could happen more often.

Which is why, when Tanya comes by Sunday afternoon to pick Emmanuel up, Ted pulls her aside. “Grown up talk,” he says to Emmanuel, and pulls Tanya into the kitchen, closing the door.

“What’s up?” she asks. “Is anything wrong?”   
“No, I just…” Ted sighs. “It’s been nice seeing him more this week, and I was kind of thinking, maybe shared custody isn’t a terrible idea? I don’t mind if he stays more with you, but honestly? You’ve been nice about it, but I don’t like that I have to ask permission to see my son, knowing full well that if you say no, there’s nothing I can do about it. It’s not a problem, we don’t have to make that decision right now, but I wanted to bring it up.” He shrugs. “Just think about it.”   
“I will.” Tanya nods slowly. “I just… You’ve never expressed interest in it, I offered when he was born, you said—”   
“I know. I was 23 and mostly wanting to run away. I’ve grown up, and honestly? I love him, he’s the best thing in my life, and I know I only get to see him because you let me, and I’m grateful for that. But I don’t wanna lose him if you and I suddenly have a falling out, or if you suddenly decide that you don’t want me seeing him. It’s fine, but… I wanna be involved.” He smiles.

“That’s good.” She smiles too. “I think he wants you to be. We can do shared custody, of course, it’s only fair. I’ll look at the logistics this week.”   
“Thanks Tanya.” Ted had expected her to say no, or at least to try to protest, so he was relieved. “I’ll let you get on now, unless you wanna stick around a bit, I just wanted to ask.”

“Yeah.” She walks towards the door. “I think we better go, I’ve got food ready at home that’ll go bad if we don’t cook it tonight.” She hesitates. “You know, Ted, I didn’t expect you to get involved at all, but I’m happy you did. He’s happy with you.”   
“Yeah.” He smiles. “Let’s keep it that way.”

Tanya nods and walks back out to the living room. “Alright honey, it’s time to go.” She puts a hand on Emmanuel’s shoulder. “Go get your things.”

“I already have.” He points at the duffel bag in the corner. “Dad helped me pack before you came.”   
“That’s good.” Tanya grabs the duffel bag. “Say goodbye to your dad.”   
Emmanuel runs over to Ted, who picks him up. “Bye dad.”   
“Bye kid.” Ted kisses his cheek. “I’ll see you soon, alright?”   
“Yeah.” Emmanuel hugs him. “Promise me you’ll call.”   
“Of course,” Ted promises. “Don’t I always call?”

“Not every day.”

“I’ll call every day this time.” Ted kisses his other cheek. “Alright kid, time to head out. I’ll see you soon.”   
“See you.” Emmanuel waits for Ted to put him down, and then walks over to Tanya. “Okay, we can go now.”

“Alright.” She takes his hand, then looks at Ted. “I’ll call you when I figure everything out, alright?”   
“Yeah, sure.” Ted smiles. “Thanks. I’ll see you around.”   
“See you.” Tanya pulls Emmanuel out, and they’re gone.

Ted orders takeout and gets a drink that night. He’s promised himself he’s gonna clean up a little bit, even when Emmanuel isn’t around, but asking Tanya stressed him out more than he expected, and it feels too real. He’s not a parent, he’s a glorified babysitter. He’s moments away from texting Tanya to forget it several times, but he doesn’t. He texts Charlotte instead and asks her to come over. She doesn’t reply, but that’s hardly surprising.

It’s not that Ted doesn’t want to be at work, it’s just that showing up at work means fielding questions from Paul and Bill and Melissa about what he did on the weekend (“Relaxed, mostly. Watched movies. Caught up on some reading”) and it means facing Charlotte, who’s refusing to even look at him, still.

He walks over to her cubicle after a few hours. “Brought you coffee,” he says, putting the cup down. “How are you?”   
“Fine.” She’s staring at her screen. “Did you want anything?”

“Just to say hi. We haven’t talked in a while.” He sits down on her desk and leans down, lowering his voice. “You know, people are gonna think something happened if you’re not talking to me more than if we keep being friends.”   
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She’s still staring at the screen, but she’s not working. “Nothing happened.”   
“I agree, nothing happened.” He smiles. “Doesn’t mean nothing will happen. But it’s your call, I’m just saying, in approximately two minutes, Melissa is gonna come ask you what this is about, and you need to have an answer ready, because if you don’t, she’s gonna assume we fucked, and as much as I wish we had, we didn’t.” He taps his fingers on the table. “So you know, better figure that out.” He kisses her temple as he stands up, because he can, because he knows it’s going to annoy her and make her smile.

He’s right; she stops him. “Ted, I… Can I come by after work?” She’s smiling, but she’s also clearly just rolled her eyes.

“Sure.” He smiles. “I don’t have plans.” He walks back to his desk, and the rest of the workday passes a little quicker after that.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little bit of comedy in this now

He waits for Charlotte in the parking lot. She pulls up only a few minutes after he arrives. “Hey.” Ted smiles. “Do you have a cigarette?”   
“I thought you were trying to quit.” She hands him a pack and a lighter.

“I was.” He lights up a cigarette. “I am. One thing at a time, first I gotta stop drinking on work nights.”

She takes the pack from him and lights up a cigarette of her own. “So you’re telling me you didn’t drink all weekend?”   
“I did not. I had  _ a _ drink last night, but nothing else.” He shrugs. “I’m joking, mostly. Vices are what they are, it’s not like I can’t control them.”   
“Are you sure.” She’s not looking at him, but she’s smoking quicker, almost done with her first cigarette. “You don’t know until you can’t indulge.”   
“Which is why I haven’t had a drink all weekend.” He puts an arm around her shoulders. “It doesn’t matter.” He takes a drag of the half-smoked cigarette. “Are you alright?”   
“No, Ted, I’m not.” She lights up another cigarette. “I’m cheating on my husband, do you think I’m alright?”   
“Are you? Last I checked you’re having a cigarette with a friend.” He laughs and kisses her temple again. “But alright then. I won’t ask if you don’t want me to.” He’s not done with the cigarette, but he throws it down anyway, stepping away from her and letting his arm drop.

“Go ahead, I’ll be right up.” She smiles at him.

“No, it’s no worry.” Ted leans against the wall. “I can wait.”

So he does, silently, until Charlotte is done with her cigarette. Then they walk up together.

She looks around the apartment. “It’s cleaner,” she notes.

He shrugs. “I’ve cleaned. That happens sometimes.” He pulls her into a hug. “Unless you’re here to comment on my housekeeping skills, I have better things to be concerned about.”

“Yeah.” She sighs, but she doesn’t step away from him. “I don’t know why I’m here.”   
“I do.” He laughs and steps back far enough to put a hand under her chin. “I’m not busy, but I am getting impatient.” He leans down and kisses her.

She steps back. “I don’t—” She interrupts herself, looking confused. “I love Sam.”   
Ted rolls his eyes at her. “I know. But you’re here. So what’s it gonna be, Charlotte?”

“This.” She steps towards him again, putting her hands on his hips. “It’s this, it is, I just need a moment.”   
“I’ll wait.” And he does, even if only for a few seconds. He’s about to say something more, but is interrupted by her kissing him.   
He takes her to bed again, and this time she doesn’t stop him when he slides a hand under her skirt. She also doesn’t stay the night, but it’s still something.

The next few weeks pass relatively uneventfully. Charlotte talks to him at work, but she doesn’t come by any more, and she tells him that it’s the last time. It’s fine; he knew that. She’s married, and while that doesn’t bother him, it does complicate things a bit.

He keeps his promise to Emmanuel and calls every night. They don’t really talk, just say goodnight, but it’s still nice. Tanya usually leaves Emmanuel alone with her phone, which is nice of her, but completely unnecessary, in Ted’s opinion. He almost wishes she didn’t, just because he wants to prove to her that he can be a good parent. Not that he has to; she’s looked into the paperwork, and he can get custody, it just requires a court hearing, even though she’s willing to give it, and she doesn’t wanna pull Emmanuel out of school for it. Just wait a month, she says, and then he’ll be on summer break and they can figure it out. He agrees, but only because half an hour on google tells him that she’s right. And it’s fine, it’s not something he’s rushing about, Tanya is a good co-parent even if she’s a terrible ex, and the same could be said of him.

He kind of considers telling some of his friends about it, but he’s not good at friends, and he doesn’t really have any, outside of his coworkers. So he corners Bill in the break room one day.

“Hey, can I ask you for some advice?”   
“Sure?” Bill looks confused. “Why don’t you ask Paul?”

Ted scoffs. “Because this is not something Paul would know about.” He glances at the door. “Okay, don’t go yelling about it, but I have a kid, and honestly? Parenting is a lot harder than I thought it was, and—”   
“Hold on.” Bill looks on the verge of dropping his cup. “You — You, Ted — Have a kid?”

Ted sighs. “Yes, I do, he’s five, almost six really, and you’re literally the only person I know who has kids, which is why I’m asking you for advice.”   
“How long have you known?” Bill looks calmed down. “I mean, if he’s almost six…”   
“I’ve known since before he was born.” Ted shrugs. “I haven’t had custody so far, but I see him at least once a month, I call, we do Christmas together… He and his mother live in town, so it’s easy enough.” He laughs. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”   
“Well, excuse me, but you don’t exactly read as the parenting type.” Bill blinks a few times, then pulls himself together. “But okay, sure. I’m assuming this is real, what did you want to ask?”

“I know, and honestly, I’ve been a glorified babysitter so far, which is sort of the thing… Tanya and I are talking about getting joint custody instead, well, I asked and she said yes, but dude, I’m fucking terrified. I know I can take care of him, but come on, I’m me. Kid didn’t even really have his own room at my place until a few weeks ago. I mean, there’s a spare room and he’s the only one who ever really uses it, but I didn’t actually put things in there for him until this month.” Ted runs his hands through his hair. “I don’t know, I don’t know what I’m asking, I don’t know what to do.”   
Bill nods a bit. “Okay. Here’s the thing, Ted. You care about this kid, right?”   
“Of course!” Ted rolls his eyes at him. “Of course I fucking care about him, how you would feel if someone asked you if you care about Alice? Of course I do.”   
“Yeah, that’s my point. You’ll figure it out.” Bill smiles. “Let me tell you a secret; every parent is terrified. Alice is seventeen, and I’m still terrified. Good luck with elementary school teachers, though, they’re terrible.” He pats Ted on the shoulder and walks back to his desk.

“Yeah.” Ted stands for a moment, then pours himself coffee. “No one knows what they’re doing. Great.” He’s talking to himself at this point, but that’s fine.

He walks back to his desk and looks at the picture of Tanya holding Emmanuel that he has there. Then he shoots a text to Tanya, because he does want to try.

She says yes, so he drives to the preschool to pick Emmanuel up after work. He just drops him off at Tanya’s place immediately, but it’s still half an hour of hanging out with him, and Emmanuel’s delight at seeing Ted come to pick him up unplanned is nice.

Had you told 23-year-old Ted that the kid he held for the first time the day after he was born was gonna become what his life revolved around, he would’ve laughed. 29-year-old Ted is okay with it, but he still laughs, just because it feels absurd.

He kind of regrets telling Bill about Emmanuel, in retrospect, but then again, if he plans to actually get more involved — and he does, he really does — he’ll probably have to tell everyone eventually.

He kind of wonders what Charlotte will say, but then he shakes off the thought and drives home, half wishing he’d asked to keep Emmanuel for the night, half happy he didn’t.


	8. Chapter 8

Ted decides to stop actively keeping Emmanuel’s existence and his relationship with him a secret from his coworkers, but that doesn’t mean he tells anyone. Especially since it never comes up. He figures he kind of did tell both Bill and Mr. Davidson to keep it on the down-low, but still, he imagined it would come up quicker.

Or maybe, he realises when listening to Bill rant about Alice for the fourth time that day, it’s just because most parents talk about nothing but their kids, and he talks about anything else.

Melissa shakes her head. “You know, Bill, none of us have teenage kids, we can’t really relate. Like, I appreciate that you talk about it, but I’m literally six years older than Alice, I have no idea what any of this means.”

Ted laughs at that, but he’s kinda grateful she said  _ teenage _ kids, because it means he doesn’t have to say anything. “Same, I’m barely old enough to have teenage kids,” he says instead, because it’s true, and because he doesn’t.

“Neither is Paul,” Melissa adds.

“I’m older than Ted,” Paul says. “Not a lot, but like… I could’ve had a teenager by now, just, I would’ve been very young. And I don’t have kids.”   
“I definitely couldn’t have had a teenage kid by now, is my point.” Melissa shrugs. “And none of us have kids at all, so like.”   
He should say something, Ted thinks. It’s a good excuse, even if Charlotte isn’t there. He doesn’t say anything. Doesn’t know how.  _ Actually I do. _ It would cause a moment of chaos, and he doesn’t want that.

He does catch Bill eyeing him, but he just shrugs. It’s fine.

A few hours later, he gets a chance to tell Melissa anyway. They’re the last two people left, and she walks over to his cubicle before leaving, right as he’s shutting down.

“Hey Ted.” She smiles.

“Hi Melissa.” He smiles back at her. “What’s up?”   
“Oh, you know, I’ve been doing an MBA part time, and I’m graduating this summer, so I was wondering if you’d wanna come? I’m inviting everyone, we’re basically just going out for drinks and stuff.”

Ted shrugs. “Sure. When is it?”

“July 13th, I graduate before that, but that’s the day we’re going out.”   
“Oh, I can’t that day, sorry.” Ted sends her a cheap smile and turns back to packing up.

She isn’t discouraged. “Why, you have a date that far in the future?”   
“No, it’s Emmanuel’s birthday.”   
She looks at him for a few seconds. “Okay, I’ll bite. Emmanuel is that kid, right?” She points at the picture, and Ted nods. “Who is he? Why’s he so important to you? Like, it’s nice, but I know you don’t have siblings, so it’s not a nephew, so why is some friend’s kid this important to you?”

“Melissa, he’s not my friend’s kid.” Ted chuckles, because it’s an absurd situation. “Okay, just, out of curiosity, why’s that your guess?”   
“What do you mean?”   
“You’re telling me, okay, you know this kid exists, you know I keep a picture of him on my desk as, mind you, the only picture I have, and you think he’s just a friend’s kid?” Ted shakes his head. “Really?”

“I don’t know.” She shrugs. “Who is he then?”   
“He’s my son, my kid. And it’s his sixth birthday, so no, I’m not going out with friends. Honestly, I know I’m not like, the parenting type, but it never crossed your mind that he could just be my own kid?”   
“No, it actually didn’t.” Melissa looks shocked. “You’ve never mentioned him like that, just off-hand that you’ve seen him or something. Bill never shuts up about Alice, and she’s seventeen, and you’re telling me you have a five-year-old son that you just never really mention?”

“Yeah.” He shrugs. “I mean, I didn’t see him that often, I still don’t, really, but I do see him more than I used to.” He looks over at the picture and smiles a little. “I didn’t really want people to know, but at this point… I decided not to care anymore. Doesn’t mean I like, tell people, unless it comes up.”

“Alright.” Melissa raises an eyebrow. “I guess I’ll keep your secret? Just do you can get to tell people yourself or whatever. Also, I’m guessing that woman holding him in the picture is his mother, but who is she to you?”   
“The mother of my child, basically.” Ted looks at it. “I should get a new photo, really, this one’s a few years old by now. Anyway, yeah, we weren’t really dating, we just kind of hooked up a few times, but I was even more of an idiot at 22 than I am now, so… Child.”   
“Not gonna lie, knowing you, I would’ve expected you to just ghost at that point.” Melissa laughs. “Guess I need to reevaluate.”

“Only slightly.” Ted laughs as well; he and Melissa are friends, and she’s right. “I kind of wanted to, if I’m being honest. But there’s a reason I haven’t talked to my parents in ten years, and I kinda figured, it fucking sucks, and I could do better. Sure, not being around is probably still better, but… The  _ I’m never gonna be like my parents _ cliché exists for a reason, and you know, so far I’m not.”

“I still can’t imagine you as a parent. Like, you’re an idiot who hooks up with married women — congrats on finally getting Charlotte to sleep with you, by the way, it’s only been a year — how the fuck do you have a kid?” Melissa shakes her head.   
“Okay, no need to be like that.” Ted laughs. “I don’t know. The weirdest thing is, you know, at first I was just doing it to prove to myself that I could, that I was better than my parents or whatever, but now… Fuck, I’m getting custody of him soon, we just need to arrange a court date. And I’m actually, genuinely excited, I mean, I see him anyway, Tanya’s nice about it, but I’ve never really had any influence over his life.” He shrugs and laughs a little more. “God, I’m ranting, I’m beginning to see where Bill is coming from, which is perhaps even more terrifying than parenting itself.”

“That’s a lie,” Melissa says, but she’s laughing too. “I mean, I wouldn’t know, I don’t have kids, but I kind of get where Bill is coming from. And you.” She shakes her head a bit. “Does he live with you?”   
“No. I mean, I’ve sort of gone away from having a guest room lately, but he doesn’t live with me, he just stays over sometimes. I literally only bought things for him to have at my place last month, instead of just transporting from Tanya’s every time.” He leans back in his chair and laughs. “Okay, I love the kid, but I need to make sure he doesn’t leave toys in the living room anymore, because I have never experienced anything more terrifying than getting up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and seeing a glowing dinosaur on my coffee table.”   
Melissa genuinely laughs at that. “Why would a dinosaur glow?”   
“I don’t know, because they can? I feel like when I was a kid the only glowing things I had were those stars you stick to the ceiling.” Ted shakes his head. “I don’t know, I don’t question it, I just pay for it.”

“I hear that’s most of what parenting is. Paying for stuff.” Melissa shrugs. “Oh well, I should get home. See you tomorrow. Good luck?”   
“Thanks.” Ted smiles at her. “See you tomorrow. Oh, and you know, just because I’m not actively keeping it a secret, maybe don’t tell people I have a kid? Just because I’d like to say it myself, even if it’s gonna take a few weeks.”   
“Sure.” She shrugs. “You’ll find an excuse eventually.”

“Yeah exactly. See you.”   
“See you.” Melissa leaves, and Ted finishes packing up and heads home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since we're sort of getting to the point of implications, please let me know if you need trigger warnings, I'll do the big ones, but if there's anything specific, you can either throw it in the comments or message me on tumblr at somewhere-thats-ethan-green


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are two very brief mentions of violence in this chapter, it is not explicit and it doesn't happen in the story itself, but it's mentioned in dialogue

It’s the beginning of summer vacation, which doesn’t mean that Ted is off, but it does mean that Emmanuel stays with him for the whole week leading up to his birthday, because Tanya heads out of town. She’s arranged a court date, a week after she comes back, for which Ted is grateful, but also terrified. He gets the text the day after she drops off Emmanuel, and his immediate reaction is to just pick him up and give him a hug.

“What’s up dad?” Emmanuel looks at him. “Why are you hugging me?”   
“Because I love you.” Ted spins in a circle; he hadn’t actually anticipated how happy he’d be with the imminent court date. “And sometimes I just want a hug.”   
“That’s alright.” Emmanuel puts his arms around Ted’s neck. “Adults need hugs too, Miss Raine told me.”   
“She’s right.” Ted holds Emmanuel tighter. “But you can always say you don’t want to hug someone.” Might as well teach the kid about consent now, he figures. “And if someone says they don’t want a hug, you have to let them go.”   
“I know that.” Emmanuel rests his head against Ted’s shoulder. “I always want a hug from you, dad.”

Okay, so Ted might tear up a little at that, but he’s holding Emmanuel so that he can’t see. “I always want a hug from you too, kid.” He kisses his hair. “Anytime you need it.”   
Emmanuel looks up at him. “Why are you crying dad?”

Ted shrugs and smiles. “Sometimes tears just need to get out, even when you aren’t sad.” He wipes his face, and he wasn’t really crying, so that’s mostly it. “And sometimes you’re so happy that you cry.”   
“Are you happy dad?”

Fuck, that makes him tear up again. “Yeah. I’m happy that you’re here.” Ted sits down on the couch, Emmanuel in his lap, because carrying him actually isn’t as easy as it has been. “That’s all.” He holds him for a little longer, then opens his arms. “Sorry for interrupting you, you were playing.”

“It’s okay.” Emmanuel leans back against his chest, and Ted closes his arms around him again. “I wanna watch a movie anyway.”   
“Sure.” Ted reaches for the remote and silently thanks god for streaming services, because he really doesn’t own any movies that are appropriate for a kid, but that doesn’t stop him and Emmanuel from watching Disney movies for the rest of the day, taking turns choosing, with Ted introducing Emmanuel to the ones he remembers from his own childhood, and Emmanuel catching him up on newer ones. It’s a pretty good time, all things considered.

It’s Friday evening, and Ted is just about to send Emmanuel to bed when the doorbell rings. “Hey, go get your pajamas and put them on, okay? I’ll come put you to bed in a second.”   
Emmanuel nods. “Okay. Will you read to me?”   
“Sure, when I find out who this is.” Ted walks to the door to open. Charlotte is outside. “What do you want?”

“I just… Can I come in?” She looks like she’s been crying.

“No.” He shakes his head. “Not tonight.”   
“I… Please?” She’s on the verge of tears again.

Ted softens a little. “Sorry, but no. Call Melissa or Paul or someone, you have friends, if it’s because you don’t wanna be at home, but you can’t be here.”   
She stares at him. “Sam hit me. I don’t have anywhere to go, Ted, please—”   
“Charlotte.” Ted puts a hand on his shoulder. “It’s not to be mean or anything, but you really can’t stay here. Go call your friends, or go to a hotel, I don’t care. Not here.”   
“Ted—” She’s interrupted by the sound of footsteps in the hall.

“Dad?” Emmanuel comes out, wearing his pyjamas, looking concerned. “What’s going on.”   
“Nothing, I’m just talking to a friend.” Ted kneels down and puts a hand on Emmanuel’s shoulder. “Go find the book you want to read, I’ll be right there.”

“Okay.” Emmanuel smiles, then looks up at Charlotte, and his face falls. “She’s crying. Is it happy or sad crying?”   
Ted smiles at him. “It’s sad crying. But it’s alright, that’s why I’m talking to her. But she’s leaving in a little bit, so I’ll be right there, okay?” He kisses his forehead. “Go.”   
“Alright.” Emmanuel walks off back to his room.

Ted stands up and looks at Charlotte. “He’s here, so you can’t be. That’s all.”   
“That child called you dad.” She looks shocked. “Who is he?”   
“That’s Emmanuel, that’s my son.” Ted shakes his head a little. “I know you don’t know about that, so long story short; I have a kid, and he’s staying with me this week, and that takes priority for me, so you need to go.” He sighs. “Okay, fuck it, come on in. But stay quiet, I’m gonna put him to bed.”   
“Thanks Ted.” Charlotte steps inside and gives him a hug. “Thank you so much.”   
“Yeah.” He steps away. For once in his life, he’s actually not interested in trying to kiss her, because he has better things to think about. “Just… Sit in the living room or go to my room, I don’t care.” He walks back to Emmanuel’s room.

Emmanuel is already in bed. “Did the sad lady leave?”   
“No, she’s still here.” Ted goes to sit on the edge of the bed. “Her name is Charlotte, and she doesn’t have anywhere to sleep tonight, so can I maybe sleep here with you?” He doesn’t know why he doesn’t just share his own bed with Charlotte. “That way I don’t have to make her sleep on the couch, it’s not very good for sleeping.”   
“Yes.” Emmanuel shrugs, and then smiles. “Then you can read to me for even longer.”   
Ted laughs. “I can.” He ruffles Emmanuel’s hair. “Come on, you haven’t brushed your teeth yet.” He gets up.

Charlotte isn’t in the living room, so he assumes she’s gone to his bedroom. That mostly makes sense, and he could just go sleep with her, but he finds that he doesn’t want to. And he doesn’t have time to deal with that thought, because he needs to get Emmanuel ready for bed and go read him to sleep.

Once Emmanuel falls asleep, Ted sneaks out and walks to his own room. Charlotte is sitting on the edge of the bed. “Hey,” he says softly.

She looks up at him. “Hey. Is everything alright?”   
“Yeah, he’s asleep, it’s fine.” He sits next to her. “I’m sorry for being dismissive, I know you’re having a hard time, but… He’s more important.”

“Of course.” Charlotte leans her head on his shoulder. “It’s not the first time Sam has hit me, but… It’s the first time I’ve been scared of him.”   
“I’m sorry.” Ted wraps an arm around her shoulders. “You can stay here tonight. But not more than tonight. And you can’t just show up unannounced, not unless I’ve told you that I’m alone.”   
“I get that.” She sighs. “Thanks for letting me stay here tonight though, it’s… It’s nice of you.” She looks up at him.

“Yeah, I’m nice like that.” He smiles, and she clearly wants him to kiss her, but he doesn’t.

She kisses him, and he lets her, but he draws back after a few seconds. “Goodnight Charlotte.” He stands up.

“Where are you sleeping?” She doesn’t look happy with him leaving, and that makes sense, but he doesn’t care.

“Emmanuel’s room. You can have my bed, I don’t mind, but… I’m not sharing with you, not tonight.” He walks to the door. “Goodnight.”   
“Goodnight.” She looks after him as he leaves.

Ted sneaks back into Emmanuel’s room and lays down next to him. It’s probably the first time he’s turned down sex without it being because he was too drunk to fuck, and that’s definitely a weird experience, but he’s fine with it. It’s just the ammunition he needs to convince himself that he can actually be a good parent, even when the circumstances aren’t ideal.

He smiles a little at that thought. He’s gotten used to the idea of parenting as an actual thing in his life, and falling asleep listening to his son’s steady breathing is a lot more comforting than he could have imagined.


	10. Chapter 10

Charlotte isn’t awake when he gets up in the morning, or at least she’s not out of his room. Ted chooses to ignore this and go make breakfast for Emmanuel, who is very much awake and bouncing off the walls.

“Dad is she still here?” Emmanuel asks when he’s halfway through his breakfast.

“I think so.” Ted smiles. “I haven’t heard her leave. But I’m just gonna let her sleep, it’s Saturday so she doesn’t have to be anywhere. Why do you ask?”   
“She was sad.” Emmanuel looks thoughtful for a moment. “Why was she sad?”

Ted sighs and tries to think of a good way to explain things. “Sometimes people have families that aren’t very good to them, and then they need a break, so they go see their friends instead.” It works, he thinks, until Emmanuel speaks again.

“Is that why I don’t have a nana and pops from you? Are they bad family?”

“Yeah.” Ted smiles and reaches across the table to ruffle his hair. “But I have you now, so it’s alright. I have a good family.” And he means it, even if he considers Emmanuel his only family.

Emmanuel smiles and eats. “I also have a good family.” He chews for a bit, then continues. “I have you and mom and nana and pops and aunt Liv.” Then he pauses. “How much family do you have?”   
“I just have you, kid.” Ted doesn’t smile, but he does try to look reassuring. “You’re all the family I need.”   
“But I’m not around all the time!” Emmanuel looks suddenly distressed. “What do you do when I’m not here?”   
“Mostly I miss you.” Ted smiles again, still trying to be reassuring. “But I have to work, and I have friends and stuff, so it’s alright.” He gets up and walks around the table to give Emmanuel a hug and a kiss on the hair. “But the best time is when you’re here.”

Emmanuel smiles up at him. “That’s good.” He pushes his plate away from him. “I don’t like this.”   
“Yes, you do, it’s the exact same thing you’ve been eating for breakfast every day while here.” Ted sighs. “You need to eat your breakfast.”

“I don’t want to.” Emmanuel crosses his arms. “It tastes bad.”

“Yes, but sometimes we have to eat things even when they taste bad.” Ted pulls the plate towards them. “You liked it yesterday, and I only bought this cereal because you asked for it. So you’re gonna eat it.” He considers himself a pretty patient and indulgent parent, but there has to be limits. Especially now that he’s not just there one day or so a month. “Come on, one more bite, just to make sure you don’t like it.”   
Emmanuel pouts, but he takes a bite. “I don’t like it.”   
“Are you sure?” Ted raises an eyebrow. “Try again.”   
“I already tried again.”

So the kid is smarter than Ted thinks any five-year-old has any right to be. He should be proud of this, but right now he’s just exasperated. “Just eat it, Emmanuel, you need food.”

“I don’t want to.”   
“You have to.” Ted gives him a kiss on the cheek. “We can sit here all day until you eat it, but it’s gonna get soggy, so you better eat it now.”   
Emmanuel pouts, but he takes a few more bites. “Do I have to eat all of it?”   
“Yes.” Ted nods seriously. “You can do it, it’s not very much.” Another kiss. “I’m very proud of you.” And he means it, even if it doesn’t necessarily apply to eating breakfast.

“Good morning.” Charlotte is standing in the kitchen doorway.

Ted gets up from the floor. “Morning.” He nods towards the cereal box on the counter. “Feel free to eat some breakfast.”   
“Thanks.” She smiles and walks in.

“Good morning.” Emmanuel smiles at her. “Are you happy today?”   
“Emmanuel—” Ted begins, but Charlotte interrupts him.

“Much happier,” she says and smiles. “Good morning.” She goes to take some cereal, and Ted sits on a chair, next to Emmanuel this time.

He manages to field any more questions from Emmanuel during breakfast, but it’s more stressful than he imagined. 

Once Emmanuel finishes eating, Ted asks him to go to his room and entertain himself for the time being, albeit in more pedagogical terms. Then he looks at Charlotte. “Alright. What’s your plan here?”

She’s still looking at the door to the kitchen where Emmanuel had left. “You’re good with him.”

“I should be, I’m his dad, the whole point of him being here is for me not to be terrible. Well, and I wanna see my son, but that sort of folds into the not terrible bit.” Ted shakes his head. “It’s not important. You said Sam hit you?”

“Yeah, uh…” She looks at her hands. “I don’t know. We had a fight, and then— But it’s fine, I think he was just overwhelmed. He was drunk. He called this morning and apologised, and it’s fine.”   
“It’s not fine.” Ted reaches across the table to take her hand. “I’m not gonna tell you what to do, but I know he’s already not a great husband — don’t argue, you wouldn’t have slept with me if he was — and if he’s hit you, you should leave him.”

“It’s not that easy, Ted.” She looks at him, tears in her eyes.

“Yes it is.” Ted lets go of her hand. “But fine, go back to Sam, let him think he can get away with it, what do I care? But it is that easy. You don’t even have kids, and honestly? I promise you, staying together for the kids is bullshit, they’re fine. But that’s not it for you, so what is it?”   
“I love Sam.” She looks down again. “I don’t want to leave him.”   
“Sure.” Ted shrugs. “Then don’t. I’m just saying what I think you should do.” He stands up and begins to clear away after breakfast. “Coffee?”   
“Yeah.” She’s still staring at the table. “I should head home.”   
“Probably,” Ted agrees. “I’d appreciate it if you didn’t stay here, at least, I wanna spend time with Emmanuel.”

“That’s understandable.” Charlotte looks up, now. “Um, just, out of curiosity, how come you’ve kept him a secret?”   
“Honestly?” Ted leans against the counter while the coffee machine runs. “I don’t know. I didn’t wanna talk about it, I guess, being a parent doesn’t fit my whole… Me. And he wasn’t around very often until recently, so I stopped keeping it secret, but I still don’t talk much about it. Mr. Davidson knows because I had to take a day and a half off when Emmanuel was sick, Bill knows ‘cause I asked for parenting advice, Melissa knows ‘cause I’m not coming to her graduation thing, it’s Emmanuel’s birthday. Haven’t told Paul yet, but I will eventually, it’ll come up somehow.”

“Yeah, probably.” Charlotte smiles. “I just didn’t imagine you as a parent.”   
“Neither did I, if I’m being honest, but here we are.” He pours the first cup of coffee, ignoring that the machine is still dripping, and puts it down in front of Charlotte. He sits across from her. “I think you should leave Sam, but it’s none of my business. Just don’t stay here for too long. And call next time, I don’t mind that you’re here, but I like my time with Emmanuel.”   
“Of course. I’ll get going.” She empties her coffee in one go. “Thanks for letting me stay.”   
“Sure.” Ted walks her to the door. “I’ll see you Monday.”   
“See you.” She kisses him goodbye, and it’s fine, but it’s also weird.

He shakes the thought and goes to see what Emmanuel is up to, which results in him getting pulled into a game he doesn’t quite understand, but which makes Emmanuel laugh.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few offhand mentions/hints at a less-than-ideal childhood in this, again, not explicit so I haven't done any in-text warnings, but they'll be showing up probably in the next chapter

Tanya shows up the day before Emmanuel's birthday and stays over so that they're both there in the morning. It's planned, and it's not the first time they've done it, but it's usually at Tanya's place, which has a guest room besides Emmanuel's room, so Ted hasn't given much thought to sleeping arrangements until she shows up, and he just has to improvise. It works out, albeit it works out with him and Tanya sharing a bed, but it's fine. They both wanna leave Emmanuel alone, and the couch is not worth even trying, so it's fine.

"Ted, we need to talk," she says when they've put Emmanuel to bed.

"Sure." He sits at the edge of the bed. "What's up?"

"Emmanuel wants to live here instead." She sits next to him. "And… I don't want that, but if it makes him happier, I'll let him, but only if you can put in the work."

"Of course." Ted sighs. "He just wants to be here because I'm more lenient, and if he was here regularly, I wouldn't be. If you wanna let him stay here for a while so he realises, that's fine, and if… If you really think him moving here is better, of course. He can, I want what's best for him too, but… You've always been better at this than I am, and he's happy with you."

"Yeah." Tanya sighs and hugs her elbows. "I just… I can't be you. He asks for you a lot. Does he ask for me?"

"Sometimes." Tanya looks genuinely upset, so Ted wraps an arm around her shoulders, because yeah, he doesn't like her, but she's upset. "Not often, sure, but I think… Whenever he's here, he knows when he'll see you again, we always know how long he's gonna be here. But when I drop him off, or you come pick him up, we usually don't know. He doesn't ask for you because he knows when he'll see you again."

"That… You don't think it's just that he likes you more?" Tanya leans into him. "I'm always afraid that he likes you more."

"Maybe, but he needs you more." Ted rests his head against Tanya's. "You know, I used to hate you, but I kinda got over that, and honestly? You're a good mother. He needs you, and he loves you. And I'm fully prepared to put in more work than I have, I know I haven't been as present as I could be, but I will. But not without you."

"Thanks." Tanya sits in silence for a few moments. "You're a good father. You know, if it had to be then, if it had to be anyone… I'm happy it was you. You were always good about it."

"So were you." Ted sighs, squeezes her, and lets go. "I didn't want this but… I'm happy about it, after all."

"Me too." Tanya smiles at him. "Might be time to make friends again."

"Yeah." Ted pulls his legs up to sit cross legged, facing Tanya. "You know what, screw this, I'm sleeping on the couch."

Tanya shakes her head at him. "Don't, you're gonna get hurt. And Emmanuel's gonna be up early and see you and be disappointed. We're adults, we can share a double bed." She lays down. "And I'm tired, so if you're staying up, try to be quiet."

"I'm not." Ted considers dropping his shirt before going to bed, just because that's what he usually does, but he decides against it and just lays down. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

Ted turns out the lights. It takes him too long to fall asleep, but Tanya is right; they're adults who can share a bed without annoying one another. And it's not that Ted cares about Tanya, except Emmanuel does so he sort of does too, and it's easier to be friends.

They get up early, even though it's Saturday, because it's Emmanuel's birthday, and he's gonna be awake. Ted wakes up by Tanya shaking him, and is initially disoriented, but then remembers. "I'm awake." He sits up. "What time is it?"

"Seven." Tanya goes to the door. "Can I make coffee?"

"Sure." Ted gets up. "I'll be out in a second. Have you got presents from your family?"

"Yeah, that's another thing." She drops her hand from the doorknob. "How come your parents never send anything over? I know you don't see them much, but—"

"Tanya, they don't know he exists." Ted gets dressed even though Tanya is still in the room, because honestly, they have a kid together. "I haven't talked to them in… Twelve years now, I think, something like that. I'd love to say he has grandparents, but not them. I'm not putting another child anywhere near them."

"Oh." She looks at him for a few seconds. "I'm sorry, I didn't know."

"I know, it's fine." Ted buttons his shirt and smiles at her. "I did talk to Emmanuel about it, actually, we were talking about family. He's fine."

"Good." Tanya opens the door. "Coffee?"

"Please." Once she's left, Ted finishes getting dressed and then goes and finds the present he's bought for Emmanuel. It's only then that it occurs to him that he'll probably leave most of the presents there, especially now that he has space at Ted's place, and he kind of sighs to himself about it. But it's fine.

He and Tanya set the table and the presents and then go to wake up Emmanuel. He's already awake, but he's waited for them. "Hi mom! Hi dad!" He sits up the moment they walk through the door.

"Hi." Tanya smiles and walks towards the bed.

"Happy birthday," Ted says, following her. "And good morning."

"Happy birthday." Tanya sits on the edge of the bed.

Emmanuel beams at them both. "Can I have presents now?"

"Sure." Ted ruffles his hair. "We've set them up for breakfast."

Emmanuel gets out of bed, already dressed. Ted looks at Tanya; she's looking at him too, and they exchange a smile. It's the first time he can remember them having the kind of silent communication he recalled from his own parents. It makes him uncomfortable, initially, but he also knows that it's a good thing. 

Emmanuel rips into the presents first, utterly ignoring his breakfast, which makes sense. Ted watches him with a smile, and a solid dose of terror, but that happens every year. Birthdays sucked for him as a kid, and even though he knows Emmanuel is happy, it's uncomfortable. He normally just accepts that his smile is a little sharp, a little false, but it's worse this year. He sticks it out, but it's worse.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So TW for (very off-hand) mentions of child abuse, I've put *** on either side of the paragraph and there will be a summary in the end notes, stay safe kids (and if you ever feel like you have to abandon the fic for you mental health, please do)

They put Emmanuel to bed a little later than normal, and then Tanya plans to head home. She stops in the door. "Ted… You've always been apprehensive when we're both around, but he notices now. You need to get over it."

***

"It has nothing to do with you, it's just…" Ted sighs. "Right, okay. Can't believe I'm doing this. When I was a kid, birthdays were the worst days because we were the centre of attention, and we had to be grateful. And I know it's been years, I know it's not like that for him, but this kind of stuff sticks around." He tries to smile, but he knows it looks more like a grimace. "I'll get it together for next year."

***

"No, it's fine." Tanya looks surprised. "Hey, I know we're not like, friends or anything, but if you ever wanna talk…"

"Yeah thanks." He gives her a hug. "I'm not much of a talker, but yeah, it's a thing. I keep saying I'll get over it, and then I don't."

"Honestly, that sounds like the kind of stuff people go to therapy for, but whatever." Tanya shrugs. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"See you." Ted remains standing in the hallway after she leaves.

Therapy. He's never considered his aversion to celebration a reason to get therapy, but it makes a certain kind of sense. And if it helps…

"Dad?" Emmanuel is standing in the door to the hall. "Why haven't you gone to bed?"

"I was just talking to your mom." Ted smiles and picks him up. "You're supposed to be asleep now, kid."

"I can't sleep." Emmanuel hides his face in Ted's shoulder. "Can you stay with me?"

"Of course." Ted carries Emmanuel to bed and lays down with him. "Goodnight."

"Dad, can I ask you something?" Ted nods, so Emmanuel continues. "You weren't happy today. Why not?"

Ted gives him a hug to stall, and settles on half a truth. "Sometimes I remember that you're getting older, and then I get sad that I haven't been around that much." He pulls away from the hug. "But I will be."

Emmanuel smiles. "It's okay dad. It's okay." He gives Ted another hug. "I love you."

"I love you too." Ted kisses Emmanuel's forehead. "You need to sleep, kid. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

Ted stays awake for far too long, listening to Emmanuel's breathing and reminding himself that he hasn't failed.

Ted shows up to work the following week, but he's barely concentrating. It's not that he doesn't want to, but he has a lot going on.

Charlotte stops by his cubicle Wednesday. "Hey."

"Hey." He smiles at her. "What's up?"

"Come have a smoke with me, please?" She isn't smiling.

"Sure." Ted closes his computer and walks with her to the parking lot. "What's up?"

Charlotte doesn't answer, but lights a cigarette and hands him the pack and lighter.

Ted considers turning them down, but the week he's having, a cigarette doesn't sound half bad, so he lights one up. "Hey, are you alright?" He hands back the pack and lighter.

"No." She looks at him now. "No, I'm… Sam has decided to stay out… All week. I just don't like being alone."

"Me either." And while he could've been sympathetic and tried to look like he feels sorry for her, he chooses to just smirk and wink. "You know, I see a solution."

"Why do you think I asked you to come out here?" Charlotte looks around for a moment, then leans up to kiss him. "Do you have time after work?"

"Yeah." Ted smiles and kisses her again. "Your place or mine?"

"Yours." She smiles. "I know I shouldn't, but… I want this, and— And if Sam doesn't—"

"Ssh." Ted kisses her. "You're fine. It's fine. I'll wait for you after work."

"Thanks." She throws her cigarette butt down. "Ready to go?"

"A moment." Ted finishes the cigarette in two long drags and throws it down. "Let's go."

"Let's go."

They walk back to the office together, and then it's back to work. Strangely, Ted finds it easier to concentrate on work now.

He waits for Charlotte after work, and they drive back to his place together. He definitely tries to feel her up in the car, but she doesn't try to stop him, so he stops himself. Safe driving practices and all that.

He's gotten used to having to talk Charlotte into fucking him, but this time, she pins him against the wall as soon as they come inside — or, well, she tries to, and Ted lets her — to kiss him. He doesn't protest; he's spent a year getting Charlotte to hook up with him, and yeah it was just because he suspected she'd be easy sex once it happened, and he was right, but he's gotten slightly attached to the idea of her. Just the idea, he tells himself when he takes her to bed. And it's true, because he doesn't really care about her except for her kind of being his friend.

It gets harder to let that remain true when she stays, but he's fine, he's just had an emotional couple of weeks, and Charlotte is right there. He doesn't talk about his issues because she's his coworker and fucking is already too messy for his liking, but she talks about hers and well. Ted has had his fair share of bad shit in life, and it's easier to convince her that he knows what he's talking about if she knows he's been there. So he tells her a little bit. And then she starts talking about how much she wants kids, and he gets it. Her and Sam have been married for years, and she's getting older. Not old, he tells her, just older. And Ted, for as much as he doesn't like to admit it, is a parent with a functional relationship with his son, and Charlotte gets curious. He tells her what she asks and leaves out everything important. It's fine.

She stays the night and Ted fucks her again, and then falls asleep holding her, and it's fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary of the warned paragraph: Ted explains to Tanya what birthdays were like for him as a kid, and that he knows it's different for Emmanuel, but he still remembers


	13. Chapter 13

They decide to drive to work together, and maybe Ted is kind of dismissive to her in the morning, but he can't find it in him to care. She talks about kids again over breakfast, and he shrugs it off, until he doesn't. "It's hard," he admits. "Especially babies. You cannot leave them alone, cannot put them down, nothing. It gets easier in that respect, I mean, Emmanuel's six now, so he can be alone for a while, as long as I'm close in case of emergency, but… It gets harder. A baby barely has a personality, and they can't ask questions, but it gets to a point where they want to know everything. And at first it's alright, just technical questions, where does the sun go at night, that sort of stuff. But they're smarter than you think."

"What do you mean?" Charlotte is holding a coffee cup between both hands, and Ted is still not used to her in his kitchen. "You know what they know."

"Yeah, of course, but with object permanence comes observational skills." He laughs. "Emmanuel asked about family, he noticed I don't have any. And just… He asked if I was happy once. Nothing prepares you for a kid sincerely asking if you're happy, like, what kind of question is that? What are you supposed to say?"

"What did you say?"

"I said I was, of course." Ted shakes his head. "That's the thing, you can't tell them your problems, at least not really. Like, I told him my family is bad, because he would've kept asking otherwise, but it's not like I could tell him about it, I just had to say it's okay, I have him now. And it is, I do, I love him, but it's not that clear cut."

"Of course not." Charlotte watched him for a moment. "I think that's the first time I've heard you say you love someone."

"Yeah well." Ted smiles. "He's pretty much the only one, to be fair, and I don't make a habit of it. Except with kids you have to." He shrugs and gets up. "Ready to go? We'll be late for work."

"Sure." Charlotte finishes her coffee and stands up. "Thanks for letting me be here."

Ted pulls her in for a kiss. "Just let me know."

"Still, thank you." She kisses him. "I think… I think this has to be the last time though."

"Sure." He shrugs and gives her another kiss. "Let's go."

They don't talk much in the car, and while he does kiss her again in the parking lot, he also stops trying to flirt with her, because they're at work, and she's married, and there are a lot of issues. And Ted has no desire to actually have an extended affair, even if he doesn't mind if it's Charlotte.

Monday rolls around, eventually. Ted meets with Tanya and Emmanuel at the courthouse. They've both taken the day off, not because they expect it to take long, but because they can. And Ted has decided to invite Tanya and Emmanuel out for lunch, because he knows Emmanuel only gets to see both of them on his birthday and on holidays, and it kind of sucks.

It doesn't take long. Because Tanya is entirely willing to let him have custody, and when the lawyer or whatever questions Ted about his ability to have a kid, Tanya supports everything he says, even adds things. So Ted does the same for her when she gets asked about why she's letting him have custody, if it's about her not wanting to take responsibility anymore. Then Emmanuel gets asked questions, and he's sitting between them as he answers, says he likes having both of them, likes living both places. Both Ted and Tanya breathe a sigh of relief at that. There are papers to sign and arrangements to be made, but the worst is over.

It's shortly before noon when they exit. "Hey, Tanya?" Ted stops her before she makes Emmanuel say goodbye. "Wanna go for lunch? My treat, to celebrate. We hardly ever do anything as a family."

She smiles. "Sure, sounds good." She looks at Emmanuel. "How about that?"

Emmanuel smiles. "I'm hungry." He looks up at Ted. "Can I have ice cream?"

"Not for lunch." Ted laughs and ruffles his hair. "Maybe later."

They drive to a small local restaurant, all three of them in Ted's car. There's a playpen, so they let Emmanuel go by himself once they've ordered.

"Thanks, by the way," Ted says when they're alone. "You stood up for me in there."

Tanya shrugs. "You're a good dad. He loves you. That's always gonna come first, what he wants."

"Of course, but still." Ted smiles. "Seriously. You could've easily convinced them that I wasn't fit for a child or whatever, I wouldn't be able to do anything. Thanks for not."

Tanya laughs. "We agreed to make friends, didn't we? I stand by it, even if it's just for him."

"Me too, but you know. I guess I'm just not used to having high hopes." Ted shrugs. "And I haven't been a great parent, I'm better, but I haven't been great."

"You haven't had a chance to, you barely saw him before. He asked once if you could call every day, and you haven't missed a day. You had a date over at some point, or at least I heard someone else and you were in bed, and you still called, because he asked you to." Tanya stays silent for a few moments. "I'm not even sure I would have."

"You would." Ted shrugs. "Or at least you would've told him the day before that you had plans. And I didn't do that, so I called."

"Why didn't you?"

"Wasn't planned." He grins a little. "Long story, mostly makes me look like an asshole."

"Which you are," Tanya reminds him, but she's smiling.

"Which I am." Ted chuckles. "Not as much as some would make me out to be, but…"

"I know, I've been there." Tanya looks like she's debating what to say, so Ted remains quiet. "That person you were with when Emmanuel called, do you still talk to them?"

Ted laughs, because the situation is slightly absurd. "Yeah, we work together." He shrugs. "It's a little messier than I'd like, so I doubt I'll take her home again."

Just then, their food arrives, and Tanya goes to retrieve Emmanuel from the playpen. They eat together, and then Tanya and Emmanuel say their goodbyes, and Ted promises to call.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for some Charted content

When he lets Charlotte give him a ride home after work the next day, he can't help but remember what he told Tanya. And sure, it's just a ride, but they both know where it ends, because Ted's car is just fine. So when she pulls up in front of his building, he doesn't immediately get out.

"You know, I'm alone this week," he says. "I have time."

"I don't." She clutches the steering wheel. "Sam will be home in a few hours."

"That's still a few hours, your place is close." He puts a hand over hers. "Your call."

She hasn't killed the engine, but Ted is still surprised when she starts driving again. "Not here."

"Where then?" He doesn't mind, really, but he is curious. "Yours?"

"No." She doesn't take her eyes off the road, but her driving is erratic. "You know, Sam is an idiot in many ways, but I thought he'd be smarter. Apparently not. So he deserves this."

"What happened?" He assumes that by  _ this  _ she means her cheating, so he's not too worried about that part. "What did he do?"

"He cheated on me. In my car. I saw them, I was right there." She pulls up in front of an apartment complex. "I was in the building, and he thought he could get away with sleeping with her in my car."

"That's… Kinda shitty." Ted's not really invested in Charlotte, he tells himself. But she's his friend, and wauw, Sam is a bigger shithead than he thought. "I'm sorry."

"He's not at work, I called the precinct. Which means he's with her, which means here." She kills the engine and looks at him. "I want to make him feel like I felt."

Ted still isn't following, so he decides to default to faux empathy. "Charlotte, I know you're upset, but think about it. Let's just go back to mine, we can talk about it… Have a drink… Fuck… Whatever."

She shakes her head. "I've been thinking about it for two days, Ted. I need this."

"Right." He shrugs. "Alright. Whatever. What exactly is your plan here?"

"I want him to feel like I did. I want him to know what he's done." She's pulled her legs up under herself, and she turns to face him. "Ted, please?"

"You're gonna have to do better than that." He reaches out. "What do you want?"

She takes his hand. "He had sex in this car, knowing full well I was in the building next to it, knowing that I could look out the window and see it. He's in that building. I want him to see… I want him to know." She's crying now.

"Okay, Charlotte, here's the thing." Ted can't believe he's about to do this. "I'm not gonna fuck you in this car with your husband within view, alright? If you just wanna fuck, let's go back to my place. If you wanna fuck in the car, sure, let's go somewhere out of view. But this? No. Take me home then."

"Ted, I… Please?" She's looking at him, biting her lip, and he sighs. "For me?"

He sighs. "Charlotte, I'm not your boyfriend, I don't care that much." Before she has a chance to react to that, he pulls her in to kiss her. "That's not a no, just… I'm not that invested. And honestly? Your husband scares the living crap out of me, so I'm not really a big fan of him finding out I've been screwing his wife."

She shakes her head. "He won't. He won't even look. I just need to know I tried." She sounds more bitter than he can recall her being. "At least I tried."

He nods. "Alright." He reaches for the mechanism and pushes the seat as far back as it will go. "That's apparently the kind of person I am today. How about this? Just making out for a bit."

"Yeah that's… Thank you." Charlotte pulls herself over to sit in his lap.

And okay, maybe Ted is just a little scared about where his life is going, and he has terrible ways of dealing with it, and that's the only reason he's letting this happen. Because yeah it's Charlotte, but he still thinks the circumstances are less than ideal. But it's still a while of not thinking about serious stuff, and if that's what it takes, then that's fine.

He makes Charlotte drive him home after ten minutes or so. She's gotten what she wanted, and she's flushed and looks happier, and Ted isn't about to make this worse than it is.

He still invites her up when they get back to his place, and she accepts, so he fucks her, but in his bed, and a little less messy and rushed than it would've been in the car, even though messy and rushed seems to be all he gets from Charlotte these days. Especially when she leaves as soon as they're done.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost regret the amount of angst in this fic because it us wholesome chapters like this one that are truly good

There is some kind of routine to Ted's life over the summer. He goes to work, brings Charlotte home most days, but she mostly leaves, which is fine. They don't talk as much, but he still learns that Sam has hit her since, that he's still seeing someone else, and that he never learned of their little stunt in the car, or at least he never mentioned it. He tells her to leave him, and he does kind of offer to take her on a real date if she does, but he doesn't know if he'll stick to that. What he does know is that it doesn't matter, because she won't leave Sam, and she won't have him even if she did.

He sees Emmanuel more. Once a week, at least, usually on the weekend, but sometimes also on work days. That also means he talks to Tanya more, and although they mostly just talk about who's doing what with regards to Emmanuel, Ted finds himself not minding talking to her. It's always been a necessary evil, but now it's just necessary. It's kind of nice.

Paul drags him to a toy store after work one day. "Why am I here?"

"It's Emma's nephew's ninth birthday, I need to get him a present." Paul looks at him. "I don't know what to get him."

"Why don't you ask Bill? I thought he was our resident parent of the office." It occurs to Ted that he's still not told Paul about Emmanuel. "What would I know about nine-year-olds?" That's technically true.

"I don't know Ted, Bill didn't have time, just… Please?"

Ted sighs. "Sure." He mentally reminds himself to get something for Emmanuel, if he's there anyway. It's an excuse to tell Paul, maybe, or just an excuse to do something.

There are a lot of kids yelling in Toy Zone, and Ted tunes most of them out while he and Paul look at model trains, but one voice carries anyway. "Hi dad!"

Ted turns to see Emmanuel running towards him. "Hey kid." He smiles and picks him up in a hug. "What have we said about running indoors?"

"Sorry." Emmanuel doesn't look sorry. "I haven't seen you in… Six whole days."

"I know." Ted suddenly realises that Paul is staring at them. "Emmanuel, this is my friend Paul. Paul, this is my son, Emmanuel."

"Hi." Emmanuel smiles at Paul.

"Uh, hello." Paul forces a smile, evidently fake, and keeps staring.

Ted elects to ignore him. "Where's your mom?"

Emmanuel shrugs. "She's home, I'm with aunt Liv." He pouts. "She says I can't have anything."

"Well, what do you want?" Ted asks. "I'm picking you up tomorrow, so if you can point it out to me you can have it at my place."

"I want a train." Emmanuel points. "The big one."

"We don't have space for that." Ted shakes his head. "You can have this one." He points at the train he and Paul have just been looking at.

Emmanuel pouts. "I want the big one!"

Ted kisses his forehead. "Yeah, but we don't have space for that. Where did you leave Liv, don't you think she's getting worried about where you went?"

"No." Emmanuel shakes his head. "She knows how to look for me."

"Yeah, I guess." Ted sighs. He looks at Paul. "Have you found what you need?"

"I don't know." Paul shakes his head, still looking shocked. "I don't know what he wants."

"Have you considered asking for a wishlist?" Ted shakes his head. "You're fu— You're terrible at buying gifts. Keep looking, I'm gonna go find Liv."

"No!" Emmanuel gives Ted a hug. "I wanna go with you, I don't wanna stay with aunt Liv."

Ted sighs. "You're coming to my place tomorrow, alright? That's what we said. Your mom is gonna miss you if you're not there."

"You miss me too." Emmanuel pouts, and it takes a lot of discipline from Ted to not just give in.

"I do, but I get to see you now, which is even more than I expected. And if your mom gets to see you less, she's gonna be sad."

"I don't want to make mom sad."

"Exactly." Ted begins walking, looking for Tanya's sister Liv, who he's met exactly twice, but they look freakishly alike. "So we're gonna go find Liv and then your mom won't be sad."

"Okay."

Ted spots Liv a couple aisles over and walks towards her. "Liv? This one is looking for you." He smiles at her.

"Oh." She looks at him for a few seconds. "Do you always carry him?"

"Not always." Ted puts Emmanuel down. "Just wanna enjoy it while he's still small enough." Which, Ted thinks to himself, he actually isn't, but it's fine. "I just figured you'd be looking for him."

"Hmm, yeah." Liv smiles, a little strained. "Thanks."

"No problem." Ted kneels down to give Emmanuel another hug. "I'll see you tomorrow, kid. I love you."

"I love you too dad." He smiles. "You promise tomorrow?"

"As soon as I'm off." Ted gives him a kiss on the forehead and smiles. "See you."

"See you." Emmanuel smiles.

Ted walks back to Paul, who is still standing where he left him. "Have you found anything?"

"That's your son?" Paul doesn't look like he's recovered from the shock.

"Yeah." Ted turns his attention back to the model trains. "Hey, if the kid is like, into trains and stuff, I'm guessing this one is nice?" He points at the one he'd denied Emmanuel. "Don't know if they'd have the space for it, but if it's not my apartment, it's not my problem."

"You have a son?"

"Yes, I do." Ted turns back to Paul, sighing. "His name is Emmanuel, which I already told you, he's six, I've been involved in his life since before he was born, although I only recently got custody of him, he mostly lives with his mother but he comes by about once a week for a day or two. Anything else you want to know?"

Paul slowly shakes his head. "How come I didn't know before? You just said Bill was the only one of my friends with kids, but apparently you do too."

"I said Bill was the resident parent in the office, because he doesn't shut up about Alice. I used to want to keep Emmanuel's existence a secret because it doesn't fit my whole… Thing. Now I gave up on that because I have custody of him and see him far more often, and I realised that he's a convenient excuse for things I don't want to do. You're the last person to know, Charlotte has met him, even if that was only because she showed up at my door unannounced when he was home." Ted laughs. "I'm not obligated to buy my son anything, his birthday was like four weeks ago, but I'm gonna, so can you get done so we can get out of here?" Ted grabs a slightly smaller version of the train that Emmanuel had wanted.

"Sure." Paul looks at the train. "Is this any good?"

"I don't know, Paul, I'm not paid to ask questions." Ted looks at it for a few seconds. "Do you hate Emma's family? Because this thing makes noise, and I'm only letting Emmanuel have it because I know he's mostly not there, and because I am apparently the kind of parent who buys things to make up for not being around much."

Paul laughs at that. "Sure. We'll take it." He grabs the same train Ted had found. "Let's pay."

"Yeah." Ted walks towards the register. "Also, I haven't forgotten that you promised me a drink for coming with you, just 'cause I had a good time doesn't mean I don't expect that."

"Ugh." Paul rolls his eyes. "Fine. Let's go to David's."

"Sure." Ted grins.

So he definitely wants the drink, but also, Paul is the only one of his friends who doesn't get too hung up on things, so he's kind of hoping for a friend who won't just make him talk about kids. Not that he doesn't want to, but it's not the only thing happening in his life.

And sure, Paul asks a few more questions about Emmanuel, but he does also talk about other things, and Ted is grateful for it.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I call this chapter "Sam makes a smart decision"  
> There's a bit of talk about Trauma™ near the end, but since it's brushed over, I haven't put a warning on it; let me know if I need to be more careful in future chapters!

Charlotte stops by his desk one Friday near the end of the summer. "Are you alone this weekend?" she asks, softly enough that no one can hear them.

"I am tonight and tomorrow," he replies, equally softly. "I'm picking Emmanuel up Sunday morning." He looks at her. "I can drop you off before I get him."

"That would be nice." She puts a hand on his shoulder, giving him a quick squeeze. "I'll see you in the parking lot."

"Sure." Ted puts his hand over hers for a moment. "See you."

She walks away, and Ted goes back to work, but he's in a better mood. Only slightly, and only because Charlotte is easier than trying to go out and hook up with someone else. He has unfortunately had to realise that he's not as young as he has been, and drinking isn't as easy, but there also aren't many people around his own age and well, he has standards, and college students are all solidly below them.

He meets Charlotte in the parking lot. She doesn't say anything, but she gets in his car. "What's up?" he asks when the doors are closed. "You're quiet."

"Sam's leaving." She's clutching the seat. "He's leaving."

"I'm sorry." And he is, even if only for her pain. "Does he know?" She doesn't answer, and he's driving, but as soon as they come up to a red light, he looks at her. "Does he know about me? About us?" And sure, Ted tells himself that he's not that invested in Charlotte, but she's his friend, and she's having a bad time.

"I don't know." Charlotte is still staring straight ahead. "I don't think so. He's leaving for her."

Ted has to keep his eyes on the road again, but he still smiles softly. "I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do?"

"I don't know." Charlotte puts a hand on his thigh. "Let me forget about him for a little bit. He's packing up his things, moving out over the weekend. I told him I'd be out while he did. I don't want to come home to an empty house, but… I don't know."

"I can help you forget." Ted takes one hand off the wheel to put over hers. "Only for a little bit, though. If you need my help coping… Let me know. I don't do it well, but I do it."

"You've never had a divorce. You don't know." Charlotte sounds bitter, but he suspects it's not at him. She doesn't draw her hand back; in fact she tightens it, nails digging into the inside of his thigh, and while he ordinarily wouldn't mind, it's a little distracting.

He lets her, because he knows she needs this. "I know. I left a lot of people when I moved here."

"That was a choice."

"Not all of them." Ted pulls up in front of his building and kills the engine. "I'll tell you about it, if you think it'll help. But we can also just go up and fuck if you prefer. It's up to you."

She's still clutching his thigh. "You're too insistent on a bed," she says, but there's a little bit of humour in it. "I… I think… This first. I need this. Talking can wait."

"Sure." Ted gets out of the car and takes her hand as they walk towards the building.

She kisses him as soon as they get into his apartment, and it's fine. He's fine with it. Except he isn't, and he doesn't know why.

He still pulls away. "Charlotte, just… Wait a moment."

"Is something wrong." She has her arms around his waist and is looking up at him. "I can… I can leave if you need me to, I—"

"No, no, stay." He pulls her into a hug. "No, stay, it's fine, just… Give me a second."

"Sure." She rests her head against his chest.

Ted does a quick mental recap. He's definitely still in it for the easy sex, which is why his aversion to the kissing doesn't make sense. Except it does, because while he doesn't mind sex with anyone, he minds kissing. Specifically he minds kissing people he cares about.

He kisses her again, because he doesn't care about Charlotte, he doesn't, she's just a friend, but right now, he's just there to fuck her. And kissing her still feels weird, but he takes her to bed and fucks her, and that does feel better.

She curls up next to him when they're done. "Thank you," she whispers.

"Hey, it's free sex." Ted puts his arms around her. "I'm getting too old to pick up college kids, it's getting creepy, so this is nice." And it's not a lie, but it feels like one, and he dismisses it. "You doing okay?"

"Yeah, I just…" She sighs. "I know that Sam leaving is probably… It's better for both of us, because he doesn't love me, or he doesn't love me enough, and I don't want that, but… I love him. And I will never love anyone else like this, or, I don't know… I don't want to take that chance. I'm not sixteen anymore, it's not… It's not as easy."

"It isn't," Ted agrees. He wants to kiss her, but he also knows it's gonna feel weird again, so he doesn't. "I don't know if it was easy at sixteen either."

"It was for me." She smiles, and Ted stops breathing for a second, and he hates it. "I met Sam, and I just… I knew. I wanted to grow old with him. I could never regret him."

"Well… If you don't regret it, I suppose it was worth it, even if it's no longer what it was." Ted needs Charlotte to be in love with Sam, because he has to force his breathing steady and kissing her is weird, and he knows what that means, and he doesn't want it. "You feel what you feel."

"Yeah." She sighs. "You said… You said you left a lot of people when you moved, not by choice. What did you mean?"

"I mean…" Ted sighs, but it's worth talking about. And Charlotte isn't a therapist, but she's someone, and that's a start. "My parents were all sorts of shitty that I don't need to get into, and I chose to leave them. I had friends, and I chose to leave them out of necessity, because I couldn't leave my parents without leaving them." That's all stuff he's talked about before, and he considers telling a modified version of the next bit, but settles on truth, albeit a shortened version. "My sister, Abi. She died. She was drunk and driving, and she called me, but… By the time I got to her, it was too late. I left that day, didn't say goodbye, didn't go to the funeral. Just left." Ted does not cry, and certainly not in front of people who aren't Emmanuel, but it's close. "I left her. She was dead, sure, but… She was the most important thing in the world to me. Until Emmanuel was born." He's staring past her now, but snaps to attention. "It's fine, it was a long time ago. I mean, it's rough, but… You're also having a rough day, and I'm sorry for putting this on you now."

"It's fine." Charlotte smiles and kisses him, and he lets her. "I think… I think I need to think about something else anyway. You're good at making me think about something else."

"Yeah." And because Ted uses sex to cope with things, and he knows he won't get to fuck her otherwise, he kisses her again.

It's not that fucking Charlotte solves anything, but it's pretty damn good, and it does make him think about other things for a moment. Namely the fact that she says his name, which she normally doesn't, and he shouldn't care this much, but he does.


	17. Chapter 17

Charlotte stays for the weekend, and Ted keeps steadily ignoring the part of himself that feels things about it. And sure, he holds her when she cries about Sam, and sure, she sleeps in his bed, and sure, he cooks for her and tells her not to worry about it, but that doesn’t mean anything.

He drives her home Sunday morning. “Are you gonna be okay?” he asks in the car, parked outside her building.

“I don’t know.” She looks at him. “I don’t know if he’s gone.”   
Ted takes her hand. “I’m a bit early, do you want me to walk up with you? I’d have to leave immediately, but I can walk you up.” He doesn’t know why he says it, but it’s true, and he wants to. He wants her to be alright.

“No, it’s… It’s fine.” She smiles, and it’s a little fragile, but it’s a smile. “I’ll be fine. Just go.” She leans over to kiss him. “Thank you though. For… This. I don’t know if I’ll need it… Want it… Again, but… Thanks.”   
“Sure.” He smiles. “Let me know. I also think I promised you a real date once, if you left Sam, and I know you technically didn’t, but… The offer stands.” He lets go of her hand. “Text me if you need anything, I’m not gonna be a lot on my phone, but you know. I’ll see you Tuesday.”   
“You’re not at work tomorrow?” She seems temporarily distracted.

“No, it’s Emmanuel’s first day of school. But I’ll see you Tuesday, alright?”

“Alright Ted. Thank you.” She gets out of the car and walks away.

Ted stays until she’s gone inside, then drives to Tanya’s place to pick up Emmanuel.

Tanya pulls him aside while Emmanuel is getting his things. “Hey, are you alright? You seem a little distant.”   
“Yeah.” He smiles. “I’m fine, it’s just uhh, it’s been a long week. But I’m fine.” It’s not entirely true, but he doesn’t really feel like telling Tanya.

She calls his bullshit. “Ted, I’ve known you for almost seven years, you’re not fine. And Emmanuel’s gonna notice, so you better talk.”

He sighs. “Right. Um, my… My friend’s husband left her, and she’s not doing too well, I’m kind of worried about her.” It’s technically true, but Charlotte is a lot more than a friend, and he’s not really that worried. “I dropped her off at home before coming here, she’s been at mine this weekend, so it’s just still on my mind. I’ll be fine.”

“Alright.” Tanya looks at him searchingly. “If you say so. Just… Don’t upset him, it’s his first day of school tomorrow, he’s already nervous.”   
“I know.” Ted gives her a hug, not entirely sure why. “Thanks for asking, though, but seriously, I’m fine. I’ll see you tomorrow.”   
“Yeah, of course. We have to be there at nine, try to be early, I want—”   
“Tanya.” Ted smiles at her. “I know. I’ve got it, don’t worry.” He goes to Emmanuel’s room. “Ready to go kid?”

Emmanuel looks at him, brow furrowed. “I don’t know. I don’t know what I need for school.” He looks around his room. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to have.”   
Ted sits on the floor. “You just need yourself on your first day. And snacks of course, but I’ll get those for you. They’ll tell you everything else when you’re there.” Ted’s own first day of school was some 20-odd years ago, and he frankly doesn’t remember much, but he’s pretty sure no one’s gonna yell at a six-year-old for forgetting something on their first day, so he feels confident in what he’s saying. “I’m sure you’ve got everything.”   
“Yeah.” Emmanuel looks around. “Dad, is school scary?”   
“No.” Ted smiles. “Not at all. It’s fun, especially at first. Then you get used to it, and then it’s just fine, but it’s not scary.” It’s an utter lie, but Ted is a decent enough liar, even to Emmanuel. “You’re gonna do great, kid.”

“You promise?” Emmanuel walks over.

“I promise.” Ted holds out his arms, and Emmanuel gives him a hug. “You’re gonna do great,” Ted repeats.

“I’m scared.” Emmanuel doesn’t let go of Ted. “I don’t wanna go.”   
“I know, but…” Ted racks his brain for something to say, but is saved by Tanya coming into the room.

“Everything okay?” She sits down next to them. “Emmanuel?”   
He looks at her, but doesn’t let go of Ted. “I’m scared, I don’t wanna go to school.”   
“Oh.” Tanya looks at Ted, and he nods slightly. “Do you wanna stay here instead of going with your dad home?”

“Yeah, but I don’t want dad to leave.” Emmanuel is still holding him. “Can you stay here instead?”

Another look exchanged between Ted and Tanya, and then he nods. “Of course. Then I just need to go home and get a few things, but it doesn’t have to be right now.” And maybe, Ted thinks, it’s slightly better. Because at least with Tanya he’s not solely responsible for Emmanuel, so he’s allowed to be a little distant. But Emmanuel doesn’t let go of him, so he picks him up instead. “Come on kid, let’s do something else for a little bit.”   
“You look like someone who needs ice cream,” Tanya says, ruffling his hair. “Both of you do. I was gonna save it for tomorrow, but… I think we can have a bit now.” She smiles.

“That sounds like a great idea,” Ted says, and yeah he’d rather have a drink, but he’s not about to drink around Emmanuel, and ice cream works. “Don’t you?” He gives Emmanuel a kiss on the head.

“Yeah.” He smiles. “I want ice cream.”   
“Let’s go then.” Ted lets go of Emmanuel and gets up.

They eat ice cream and spend the rest of the day in Tanya’s apartment, just relaxing. And it does kind of help, even for Ted. He’s happy they stayed, because yes, he does have a moment of losing it, but he just quietly alerts Tanya and then shuts himself in the guest room for a while, and Emmanuel never notices.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter gets a little heavy as well, I've put *** on either side of the paragraph that's bad and put a summary in the end notes

The first school day is fine. Ted shows up and does what’s expected of him, but he leaves most of it to Tanya. Because despite wanting to be more involved, he still doesn’t know what that actually means.

They do have to leave for a couple of hours, and the plan is for Tanya to pick Emmanuel up alone, so Ted drives her home — they all drove to the school together in his car — when they’re done.

“Hey, you need to talk,” she says once they’re in the car.

“What do you mean?” He pulls out of the parking lot. “Is something wrong, is there something we need to talk about?”   
“You. You’ve been distant. I know you said it was your friend or whatever, but you’re lying, so… What is it?”

Ted sighs, because honestly? If he’s going to tell anyone, might as well be Tanya. “I just… I was talking to my friend, and maybe friend is the wrong word to use too, but that’s not the point right now. We talked about my sister a little bit and well, maybe it got to me a little more than expected. I’m… Fine, I think, it’s just hard on top of everything else.”

“Sure.” Tanya stays quiet for a few moments. “I didn’t think you had siblings.”

***

“I don’t, she’s… She died. And I probably didn’t deal with that as well as I could have, but I was 17 and she was the most important person in the world to me, and even though she was dead, she still was.” Ted shrugs, tries to play it off, but he can hear how strained his voice is. “When Emmanuel was born, at least I wasn’t thinking about Abi all the time, because suddenly there was this other person who needed me as much as she had, maybe even more.”

“How old was she?” Tanya’s voice is soft, and Ted knows he can change the topic any time.

He doesn’t. “She was 16. I… Our parents weren’t great, so I took care of her. Or well, I tried to. They were always harder on her than on me, and she didn’t take it well.” He glances at Tanya at a red light. “I told Charlotte about her on Friday, because she asked, but I haven’t talked about her since. I left the day she died, haven’t been back since. Don’t know where she’s buried.”   
“Ted…” Tanya puts a hand on his shoulder. “I’m not gonna force you to talk about it, but… I think it’s good for you.”   
“Yeah, probably.” He takes a deep breath. “She’d snuck out to go see some friends, taken the car. She was drunk and driving home and she called me. Talked about how much easier it would be if she just didn’t come back, and suddenly the line went dead. I still don’t know if she crashed on purpose.” He’s at Tanya’s building now, so he stops the car. “I called 911 immediately. EMTs called it an accident, and I didn’t wanna say anything else, but… I wonder. I like to think she would’ve said goodbye, though.”

***

“Of course.” Tanya reaches over to give him a hug, and it’s a little awkward just because they’re in the car, but it’s nice. “Do you wanna come up and have a cup of coffee? You look like you need it.”   
“No thanks.” Ted shakes his head. “I think I need a drink and that’s a little easier and a little less pathetic at home.” He grins, and it does feel better. “Thanks for the offer, though. And thanks for… Being around, I guess. Making me talk. It’s nice.”

“Yeah well, someone has to.” Tanya smiles. “But seriously, I mentioned therapy before, I think you should consider it. I know you’re like… Whatever you are, but you’ve got some shit going on.”   
“I know, I just…” Ted shrugs. “Maybe I will. Thanks.” He knows he won’t, but he’ll consider it, or he pretends he will, even to himself.

Tanya nods. “Alright. I’ll see you on Saturday, I’ll come drop him off.”   
“Sure. See you then.”   
Tanya gets out of the car, and Ted drives away.

He does get a drink when he gets home. Then he texts Charlotte, and she comes over. They fuck, but then she stays. They don’t talk, not about anything serious, but she stays, and it’s nice. Kissing is still weird, but he minds less, and falling asleep with her is miles better than falling asleep alone.

Charlotte comes home with him after work the next day. She doesn’t say anything in the car, and she only asks him to stop for a cigarette in the parking lot. Ted accepts when she offers him one; sure, he says he’s quit smoking, but he hasn’t.

They walk up to his apartment, still quiet. “Are you okay?” Ted asks when they come inside. “We didn’t really talk yesterday, I imagine you’re having a tough time.”   
“I’m fine.” Charlotte isn’t looking at him. “Can I have coffee?”   
“Sure.” He pulls her into a hug. “I’ll go start the machine.” So he does. And he doesn’t think about Charlotte not following him, just makes two cups of coffee, pours sugar in one, and goes back to the living room.

She’s on the couch. She’s looking at her hands, so he goes to sit next to her and puts the coffee down.

“I poured sugar in yours already.” He takes a sip. “I poured sugar in mine already,” he corrects himself, because it’s a lot sweeter than it should be, and the cups are identical, so he switches them. “What’s up?”   
“I should throw this away,” she says, still staring at her hands.

Ted leans over; she’s holding her wedding ring. “No, you shouldn’t. Maybe you shouldn’t wear it, and certainly not on your left hand, but throwing it away would be a shame.” He takes it and puts it on the table. “Hold on to it, but hold on to it where it won’t hurt you.”

“How do you know so much about this?” She looks at him now, takes her coffee, drinks. “You’re a mess, save for apparently as a parent, how come you know what to do?”   
“Look around.” Ted gestures around the living room. “I have pictures of Emmanuel, alone or with me or Tanya or both. I have a picture of them at the office too. I have no pictures of Abi. I own plenty of photos of her, and I haven’t looked at them in over a decade, because I know that looking at them will make me remember and make me sad all over again. So I’ve put them away, and one day, hopefully, I’ll be alright to look at them again, maybe tell Emmanuel about his aunt. But it’s still too fresh, so I don’t. And that ring is gonna remind you of Sam, and it’s gonna keep reminding you of him. But one day you’ll be happy you have it.”

She nods. “I guess. What if I’m not? I still have most things. Our wedding photos, all the memorabilia… He didn’t take any of it.”

“His loss.” He puts an arm around her shoulders. “I’m not gonna tell you what to do, you can do what feels right. And of course Abi is different than Sam, she’s my sister, and she didn’t leave, she died, but… It’s all I know.”

“It’s enough.” Charlotte leans into him. “I miss Sam.”   
“I know. And… Of course you do. That’s normal.” He gives her a kiss on the hair, trying not to feel weird about it. “You’ll… I don’t know if you’ll get over it, per se, but it’ll come around. You’ll think about it less. I wish I could promise, but… I hope that for you.” So Ted might have just spent an hour on the internet the day before, looking at blogs of insufferable self-help types to find out how to deal with grief, and is mostly just regurgitating what he remembers. But it’s fine, because it makes Charlotte smile a little bit, and it served a purpose, namely convincing Ted that, while Tanya was partly right and he should  _ deal _ with everything that had happened in his life, a therapist wasn’t necessary.

“When did you get so clever?” She’s smiling, and it’s a little sarcastic, but that’s alright.

“Uhh, yesterday.” He smiles. “You know, Google really is the biggest wonder of the digital age.”

She laughs at that. “Yeah.” She frees herself from his arm. “I don’t know Ted… Maybe I shouldn’t be here. Maybe… Maybe I need to be alone.”   
“Maybe.” He doesn’t want her to leave, but he isn’t gonna stop her, because he doesn’t care that much. He’s fully aware that that’s a lie, but it doesn’t matter. “If you think it’s better.”   
“I do, but that doesn’t mean I want it.” She smiles at him. “Not tonight, at least. Tomorrow… We’ll see.”

“We’ll see.” And Ted is fine with that, but he’s happy she stays.

He takes her to bed not ten minutes later. She shakes her head at him and says the couch is fine, but he insists, not entirely sure why. Because she deserves a bed. Because the couch is kind of uncomfortable to lie down on. Because even though he’s kind of used to sitting with Charlotte and talking or watching TV, he has even stronger memories of sitting in the same spot with Emmanuel, reading or watching movies. Or maybe it’s just because he knows he’ll want to hold her afterwards, and they can’t lay side by side on the couch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the paragraph you possibly skipped, Ted explains to Tanya what happened to his sister in more detail


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: this is probably my favourite chapter

Ted tells himself that he isn’t in love with Charlotte for the rest of the week, because she says she thinks she needs to be alone for a while, so they only see each other at work. But Ted isn’t in love with her, he’s her friend and he wants the best for her, so that’s fine.

He forgets about Charlotte for approximately ten minutes Saturday morning, when Tanya comes by to drop off Emmanuel. He invites her in for coffee because they’re friends, and Emmanuel toddles off to his room to play while they sit on the couch.

“Hey, are you alright?” Tanya asks once he’s gone. “I know I ask every time, but you still seem sad. If you don’t feel like taking him, I can stay, or take him home or—”   
“No, no, I wanna see him. You can stay if you’d like, but I still think I’m a little more lenient, so not the entire time.” He smiles. “I don’t wanna talk about it. I’ll be fine, and I’m better when he’s here anyway. It’s not a big thing, it’s just… Time.”

“Sure.” She looks at him for a few moments. “If you think you’ll be okay, I’ll trust you.”   
“I will. Thanks though.”

Emmanuel comes out of his room and looks at them. “Are you two friends?”

“Of course we are, honey.” Tanya smiles. “We always have been.”   
“Yeah.” Ted smiles as well, but he does send Tanya a look at the  _ always _ . She shrugs ever so slightly. “We’re friends.”   
“Good.” Emmanuel hops up on the couch between them. “Mom, how long are you staying?” He doesn’t exactly sound like he wants her to stay longer, which makes Ted swallow a chuckle.

“I’m leaving in a bit.” Tanya glares at Ted for a moment, then smiles. “I’ll leave you two alone.”

Ted decides that, as her friend, he’s allowed to have a little fun at Tanya’s expense, so he leans down to stage-whisper to Emmanuel. “We’re gonna have so much fun once she’s gone.”

Emmanuel giggles and doesn’t reply. Tanya glares at him, but doesn’t say anything about it. “I’ve finished my coffee, so I’m gonna leave. Thanks for the coffee Ted, I’ll see you when I see you.”   
“See you.” Ted smiles, trying — and failing miserably, he suspects — to look innocent. “Take care.”

Tanya ignores him and looks at Emmanuel. “Goodbye honey. Be nice to your dad, even though he doesn’t deserve it.”   
“I will.” Emmanuel giggles again. “Goodbye.” He gives her a hug.

Tanya gets up and leaves, shaking her head slightly at both of them.

“Alright.” Ted puts an arm around Emmanuel. “I think there’s a book we didn’t finish last time, isn’t that right?”   
“Yeah!” Emmanuel almost jumps up. “I’ll go get it!” He runs to his room.

They sit together and read for a few hours, and Ted, once again, forgets about Charlotte, forgets about Abi, forgets about everything but the book he’s reading and the no-longer-tiny human leaning against him and interrupting with questions every few pages.

Ted manages to stay happy throughout the weekend. And he is happy, he tells himself, and it’s sort of true, but there’s a reason he “accidentally” falls asleep in Emmanuel’s room after putting him to bed, and the reason is that sure, sleeping in his clothes is uncomfortable, but he knows that being alone is much worse.

But he keeps up, until Monday rolls around, and he drops Emmanuel off at school before going to work. Charlotte is there, so he stops at her desk. “Hey.”   
“Oh hi Ted.” She smiles at him. “Did you have a good weekend?”   
“Yeah, it was nice. How about you?”   
“Alright. Redecorated the apartment, it was looking empty.” She shrugs. “Sam stopped by. It was… Nice, almost.”   
“Oh that’s good.” And it is, because she’s smiling, and she’s not wearing her wedding ring, and it’s nice to see her happy. “Hey, do you have plans after work?”   
“Not really… What are you thinking?” She doesn’t drop her smile, but she does look almost worried.

“Just… There’s something we need to talk about.” It’s a terrible line. “Something I want to tell you. It’s not a big deal, necessarily, just something I prefer to do in private, so if you don’t mind, come with me after work?”

Her smile widens. “Sure.”

“See you then.” Ted can’t quite help but smile, even if he isn’t sure what he’s doing. It’s fine. They’re gonna talk and he’s gonna tell her his thoughts, and if she just smiles and leaves, then that’s fine, he’ll be fine. He might drink too much and skip work, but he’ll be fine.


	20. Chapter 20

The work day crawls along at a snail’s pace, but finally it’s the end of it, and Ted can wait for Charlotte in the parking lot. They take separate cars, because Charlotte is still planning on going home, and that’s just fine, he tells himself when he drives home alone.

They get coffee and sit on the couch. “What did you want to talk about?” she asks.

“Yeah, uh…” He hesitates. He hasn’t planned this far. “You said you might want to be alone for a while, and that’s fine, you’re… You’ve got some things to work out. But I might have had a bigger reaction to it than I thought I would.” He smiles, because he really doesn’t know how to be open, even when he’s trying. “What I’m saying is that somewhere in being your friend and hooking up, I might have developed what some would call a crush.” He shrugs. “It’s not a big deal, not at all, but you know, I’ve been told that talking about things is healthy? So this is me talking.”

She smiles and takes his hand. “Oh Ted.” They sit like that for a moment, holding hands. “I don’t… I like you, and you’re a good person. I could love you.”   
“I’m not talking about love, Charlotte, I’m not quite that serious.” Ted shrugs. “It’ll pass if I let it. I’m just saying, maybe a date, maybe an interaction that doesn’t end with either fucking or crying, maybe trying. And it’s fine if you don’t want that, or if you need time, that’s fine, it’s not that serious.” And Ted realises, as he speaks, that he means it; because it is just a crush, and it’s dangerously close to being more, but not quite yet.

Charlotte smiles. “A date then. But not today, I… I need some time. How about Friday?”

“Sounds good.” Ted smiles. “I’ll pick you up at your place, say, at seven? We’ll go for dinner, see what happens, whatever. I haven’t been on a date in like ten years, I have no fucking clue, but I’ll burn that bridge when I get to it.”   
“Cross.” Charlotte laughs. “You’ll  _ cross _ that bridge when you get to it. But yeah, seven sounds good.” She empties her coffee. “I was meaning to get some cleaning done today, so I hope you don’t mind if I leave.”   
“Not at all.” Ted puts his own coffee, only half finished, down. “As I said, I just wanted to talk, but I didn’t feel like doing this bit at work or in Beanie’s or something.”   
“Of course.” Charlotte gets up and walks to the hall, Ted following. “But I’m happy you did. I think… I think being alone is probably good for me at some point, but I think, right now, I need this more.” She puts on her jacket.   
“Sure. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Ted pulls her into a hug. “Take care.”   
“I will.” Charlotte draws away just enough to kiss his cheek. “I’m excited for Friday.”   
“Yeah, me too.” Ted lets her go.

“Bye Ted.” She leaves.

It went better than expected, so he just goes to finish his coffee instead of having a drink. Because yeah, talking sucks for him, but still. A date. It was better than he could have even dared to hope.


	21. Chapter 21

He picks Emmanuel up after work that Wednesday, and forces himself to listen to everything he says in the car, even as his brain is telling him to zone out.

"Hey," Ted says once Emmanuel pauses. "I have an idea, but you can't tell your mom, alright? You have to promise."

"I promise." Emmanuel claps his hands and, glancing in the rearview mirror, Ted can see him smile.

"Okay, here's the plan." Ted smiles to himself. "We're gonna go get some groceries, and while we're there, we'll pick up some snacks, maybe even some ice cream, and then we're gonna go home and eat dinner, but after dinner, we're just gonna relax and watch movies until you need to go to bed. How's that sound?"

"Good!" Emmanuel is nearly bouncing in his seat. "Can we have snacks  _ and  _ ice cream?"

Ted laughs. "Don't push it kid. It's a school night."

"Oh." He pouts. "Please?"

"No." Ted pulls up in front of a supermarket and stops the car. "But if you're really sweet and don't ask how long it takes while I find everything else, you can get to pick the snacks."

Emmanuel nods seriously, and they head inside. And sure, Ted is partly doing this because he has a migraine coming on and he doesn't want to read or do anything demanding, but he wants to spend time with Emmanuel. But really, he thinks, he's allowed to spoil his son a little bit, and a movie night is the perfect excuse.

To his surprise, the cheap bribe works, and Emmanuel is more patient with grocery shopping than Ted himself is. He decides on chocolate chip ice cream for snacks, and because Ted had sort of set his heart on popcorn, he sneaks some into the basket while Emmanuel isn't looking. When they come to the checkout, he realises that Emmanuel has done the same thing with an extra pint of ice cream, and decides to let it pass. He can still limit how much they eat that night, and it's not bad to have on hand.

They get home, eat dinner, and sit down on the couch with their ice cream. Ted limits himself to the same amount he lets Emmanuel have, knowing that he can get away with another bowl later.

"Dad?" Emmanuel asks before they find a movie. "I have a question."

"What's up?" Ted smiles.

"Why am I here more now? I was almost never here and now I'm here a lot."

"Well…" Ted sighs. "Your mom and I decided that it would be good for you to be here more. But you can always say where you'd rather be." He hopes it's not that he wants to be there less, but he also knows he would get it in a heartbeat.

"No." Emmanuel shakes his head. "I have more things with mom, why are we not all together more? You're friends."

"We are," Ted agrees. "I don't know, Emmanuel, it's just the way it is right now. Your mom and I… We're friends, but we don't spend a lot of time together."

"Is it because mom's boyfriend doesn't like you?"

Ted is prepared for a lot of things. He is not prepared for that. "No, what makes you say that?" Truth be told, Ted didn't even know Tanya had a boyfriend.

"He said. He thought I was asleep and he asked mom why she talks to you because you're a jerk-off."

While the accusation more or less holds true, coming from the mouth of his six-year-old son, it stings. "That's a bad word, Emmanuel, you shouldn't use it," Ted says automatically, because a few things do run on autopilot, even with parenting. "I don't know why he said that, but it doesn't matter. Your mom and I both love you very much, and we just do our best to make you happy. We just want the best for you, you know that right?" The words sting because he remembers them from his own parents, but it's different, he knows it's different. "So if there's something you want, just tell us, and we'll do our best."

"I want to be a family." Emmanuel leans against Ted's side. "Everyone at school has families and does things with their parents all the time, but I'm always with one of you."

Divorce rates being what they are, Ted refuses to believe that in a group of 20-odd kids, Emmanuel is the only one whose parents live apart, but that's not really relevant. "I know kid." He sighs. "You know, your mom is busy today and that's why you're here, but I promise you, we'll try to do something all three of us next week, okay?"

Emmanuel nods, but doesn't smile. "Okay." He looks at the black TV. "My ice cream is all melted, can I have more?"

And because he's had to say no to a big thing, Ted says, "Sure," and goes to get a little more. Then he puts on a movie — he's found a series with animated dinosaurs that he hopes will be acceptable to Emmanuel — and then gets up. "Are you gonna be okay by yourself for a little bit? I need to call someone?"

Emmanuel, already enraptured by the movie, nods without looking away, so Ted goes to the kitchen and calls Tanya. "Hey, is anything wrong?"

"No emergency," Ted says. "Sorry, I know you're busy, I just had a talk with Emmanuel and… He said he heard your boyfriend calling me a jerk-off, which is not a word I appreciate being used in my son's earshot, asleep or not, but that's less important. He was sad about us never doing anything as a family, so I was thinking, next week… Maybe we could do something together? Even if it's just a day at home, doesn't matter, as long as we're both there for him."

"Yeah, I'll see, it's…" Tanya sighs. "Sorry about Rob, by the way, he's… A jealous type, and it's fine, I told him I would talk to you as much as I liked, but you know, he's not a fan."

"It's not that he's really wrong, although I am getting my shit together, but it's harsh coming from your own kid. And Emmanuel heard him, so just… Don't let that happen again."

"I won't," Tanya promises. "I'll text you about next week, I don't think I have any plans, so…"

"I'm going out Tuesday, but I can cancel." Ted checks his watch. "Nothing else, though."

"Alright. Thanks for calling."

"No problem. I'll see you." Ted is about to hang up, but hangs on long enough to hear Tanya reply.

"Yeah, see you." She hangs up before he does.

He goes back to Emmanuel, still utterly caught up in the events on the screen, and sits on the couch. They curl up together and get through two of the movies in the series before Emmanuel gets put to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: The movie series is Land Before Time, aka what I was obsessed with when I was Emmanuel's age. Do I care that it was fifteen years ago? No


	22. Chapter 22

Friday night rolls around. Ted is strangely nervous; he hasn't actually been on a date since high school, and it's Charlotte.

He picks her up like he promised. He hasn't dressed as nice as he could have, but he's ironed his shirt, and it's just a date. Not even a significant one, barely a date at all, just him and Charlotte having dinner.

She meets him in the parking lot. She's wearing a dress, slightly more makeup than usual, and she's smiling.

"You look stunning," Ted says because, well, she does. And because that's the kind of thing you say.

"Thanks." She blushes a bit and gives him a hug. "You too."

He does give her a kiss on the forehead. "Let's go. We'll take my car."

"Sure." She holds his hand as they walk across the lot. "Where are we going?" she asks once they're in the car.

"That new Italian place down by the bridge." Ted smiles. "I figured, high end enough for a date, low end enough for a first date." He laughs, but gets serious. "New enough that you haven't been with Sam."

"Yeah." She puts a hand on his arm and squeezes it lightly. "It's gonna be fine. We'll have a good time."

"I hope so." Ted chances taking his eyes off the road for a moment to smile at her. "Honestly? I don't know how dates work anymore."

"Neither do I." Charlotte takes her hand off his arm and chuckles slightly. “We’ll just have to figure that out, huh?”   
“We will.” Ted laughs.

They drive the rest of the way in silence, and there’s definitely a lot of nervous energy between them, but it’s not uncomfortable. Ted almost prefers it; small talk isn’t his strong suit, and certainly not with Charlotte.

He takes her hand again when they get out of the car. She smiles and he swears she blushes a little, but he dismisses it as the light. They’ve fucked, on multiple occasions, there is no reason she should blush just because he holds her hand. It doesn’t quite occur to him that it feels a lot more meaningful to him now, too, than it has in the past.

They get seated and look at the menu. “I have no idea what half these words mean,” Ted admits. “I mean, pasta, sure, pizza, definitely, but pretty much nothing else.”   
Charlotte laughs. “It’s in English on the opposite side,” she says. “You’re just trying to show off.”   
“Yeah, and failing.” Ted flips over the menu, and sure enough, everything is in English. Figures.

They order and get drinks. Just soda, because Ted has to drive home, and he doesn’t mind a glass or two, but then Charlotte orders soda “so I’m not drinking alone” so he does too.

“You know, I’m kind of happy we’re doing this,” Charlotte says when their food arrives. “After Sam, I was so… I was so scared. I haven’t been alone since I was 16, I didn’t know how to do it. I still don’t. But… Maybe that’s okay.”   
“Maybe.” Ted smiles at her and reaches over to take her hand. “I still think you’ll have to learn, just because… Just because we don’t live together. And we won’t, at least not— Let’s just not go there, this is a first date. But you know, I don’t know how to have a relationship, so I’ll have to learn.”

“I’m sure you’ll do fine.” She smiles and squeezes his hand. “You have so far.”   
“Yeah, well, it’s been what, an hour?” He laughs. “And this is technically not a relationship yet.”   
Charlotte raises an eyebrow. “Ted…” She smiles. “Just because this is our first real date doesn’t mean this is the first time we’ve been together, you know that as well as I.”   
“I do.” He smiles. “I was just messing around, I know.”

They eat and keep small talking, and it’s nice. They talk about Sam, and Emmauel, and Tanya, and life in general, but although it gets serious, it doesn’t get sad.

“Do you want me to take you home?” Ted asks when they walk back to the car. They’re holding hands again.

“Is that an invitation?” Charlotte laughs and leans against him. “Yeah, but only if you stay.”   
“I’ll stay.” He lets go of her hand to put an arm around her. “I don’t have plans all of tomorrow either.”

“That’s good.” She wraps an arm around his waist right as they reach the car. “This was a good date.”   
“It was.” Ted leans down to kiss her, on the lips this time, which he hasn’t done in a few weeks. It’s still different, but it’s not unsettling anymore; it’s nice. “I’m happy we did this.”   
“Me too.” Charlotte is smiling. “Let’s go home.”

They hold hands while they drive and Ted can’t quite wipe the smile off his face, in spite of himself. Because he doesn’t know how to have a relationship, but Charlotte’s hand in his is a lot better than he could have imagined.

They stay up for a while, at Charlotte’s apartment, talking and drinking wine, now that there won’t be any more driving. And yes, they end up fucking, of course they do, but it doesn’t feel like the point anymore. The point, Ted thinks as he falls asleep, is that he gets to hold Charlotte and know that she’s still gonna be willing to look him in the eye in the morning.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rib? A dick

They spend the weekend together. They head to Ted’s on Saturday, just because he hadn’t actually planned on spending the night and didn’t have clean clothes, but it doesn’t matter too much. What matters is that it’s fine. They don’t fight, no one cries, and they manage to actually spend time together. It’s weird and new, but Ted likes it. He likes it a lot more than he thought he would.

Having a girlfriend is not something Ted has experience with, but it’s Charlotte. It’s still just Charlotte, who’s his friend and who doesn’t seem to mind that he has no idea what he’s doing. And who doesn’t mind that he doesn’t act like they’re together when they’re at work. It’s fine, and he doesn’t mind people knowing, but it feels weird. After so long — only a few months, really, but it feels longer — of being careful, it feels weird. He’ll get used to it.

Everyone from the office are going out Tuesday evening — why, Ted never figures out — and he and Charlotte drive there together.

Bill and Melissa are both there when they arrive. “Hey you two.” Melissa stands up to give each of them a hug. “Met in the parking lot?”   
“No, we drove here together.” Charlotte smiles. “Hi Melissa. Hi Bill.”   
“Hey.” Ted smiles at both of them and sits down. Charlotte sits next to him. “Yeah, I picked her up on my way, it’s easier.”   
Bill nods. “How’s your kid doing?”   
“He’s doing fine.” Ted glances at his phone as a text ticks in. “Hold on a second.” He gets up and goes back outside; there’s a text from Tanya asking him to call, so he does. “What’s up, something wrong?”   
“No, nothing wrong.” She sounds stressed. “Just uhh, I know you have plans, but can I get you to pick up Emmanuel? I have… It’s nothing, I just need some space.”

“Sure. Don’t worry about it, I’ll be there in a bit.”

“Thanks Ted.” She sighs. “I’m sorry for calling last-minute.”   
“It’s fine. I’ll be there within half an hour, alright?”   
“Alright. See you.” She hangs up.

Ted heads back in. “Sorry guys, I have to leave, something came up. Hope you guys have fun.” He puts a hand on Charlotte’s shoulder. “Are you alright to catch a ride with someone else?”   
“Sure.” She smiles. “Is everything alright?”   
“I think so. Tanya called, I need to come take Emmanuel, but it’s her problem, not his. I’ll call you later, alright?” He leans in to kiss her. “See you guys.” He leaves, without addressing the not-so-discreet coughs and raised eyebrows from Bill and Melissa, knowing that Charlotte will.

He gets to Tanya’s apartment in about twenty minutes. She opens the second he knocks. “Thanks for coming.” She looks more stressed than she sounded on the phone. “Sorry for interrupting your plans.”   
“It’s fine, hey, are you okay?” Ted steps inside. “You look really stressed.”   
“Yeah, it’s fine, I’ll tell you later, I just—” She chokes a little, and looks on the verge of tears. “It’s fine.”   
“It’s not fine.” Ted gives her a hug. “What’s up? You’re almost crying.”   
She leans into him. “It’s just… I’m pregnant again, which is fine, but… Rob doesn’t want anything to do with it. He left, doesn’t wanna talk to me, nothing. He’s never been a fan of Emmanuel either, but he’s old enough that it doesn’t matter, but this… It’s his kid.”   
Ted hesitates. He doesn’t have a good answer. “It’s your call Tanya, but… I’m still around, alright? Let me know if you need anything, we’re friends, it’s fine. Do you want me to stay here instead?”

She pulls away from the hug and looks up at him. “I… Yeah.” She’s crying now, and wipes her tears away. “Yeah that would be nice. Sorry.”   
“It’s fine.” He lets her go. “I’ll go say hi to Emmanuel and distract him for a bit.”

“Good idea. He’s missed you.”   
Ted heads to Emmanuel’s room. “Hey kid.”   
“Hi dad!” He runs up to give him a hug. “Are we going to your place?”   
“No, we’re gonna stay here.” Ted ruffles his hair. “Your mom needs some company.”

“Alright.” Emmanuel looks at him. “Is mom sad?”

Ted sighs. “A little bit. But we’re gonna do our best to make her happy again, alright?” He picks up Emmanuel. “Did you guys have dinner?” It’s seven, so they should have, but he’s not gonna blame Tanya if she hasn’t gotten around to it.

Emmanuel nods, though. “We had pizza. Mom was already sad then.”

“Do you know when she became sad?” Ted has thought the words  _ this is the worst part of parenting _ many times, but he thinks it again. Then he modifies it a little.  _ This is the worst part of co-parenting. _

“Today.” Emmanuel thinks for a moment. “I was in school and then her boyfriend was here when I came home and I went to my room because I don’t like him and when he left mom was sad.” The proverbial lightbulb went off over Emmanuel’s head. “Did her boyfriend make her sad?”

Ted doesn’t want to tell him the whole truth, so he just shrugs. “I’m not sure yet.”   
“It would be much nicer if you were her boyfriend.” Emmanuel leans his head against Ted’s shoulder. “Then you’d be around much more and she wouldn’t be sad.”

“Yeah, but…” Ted laughs a little, because he did think about asking Tanya out once, years back, but hadn’t. “I have a girlfriend already.”   
“You do?” Emmanuel looks at him with narrowed eyes. It’s funny and kind of adorable.

“Yeah, I do.” Ted kisses him on the forehead. “Remember Charlotte? She stayed over at my place when you were there once, she’s my girlfriend now.” And yeah, it’s kind of nice to say.

“I remember her.” Emmanuel nods. “She was the sad lady.” He thinks for a bit. “Is she happy now?”   
“I hope so.” Ted hoists Emmanuel properly up on his hip. “Come on, let’s go see if your mom needs any help.”


	24. Chapter 24

Ted ends up staying at Tanya’s for the rest of the week. It’s not exactly planned, it just kind of happens, but it’s fine. She’s still upset about her boyfriend and stressed about the pregnancy, and Ted doesn’t mind sacrificing some time on her being happier. And it means that he gets to spend more time with Emmanuel, and Emmanuel is delighted that all three of them are together, which is a bonus. It does mean that he doesn’t see Charlotte outside of work, but since everyone now knows of their relationship, it’s fine. They eat lunch together and occasionally walk to Beanie’s or share a cigarette in the parking lot before leaving.

Friday, Tanya gets a hold of her now-ex-boyfriend and tells him the situation. He’s still leaving her, and he doesn’t want anything to do with her or the kid. Tanya goes to her room after the conversation and doesn’t come out.

“Emmanuel?” Ted says when Tanya has been shut in for an hour or so. “Can you go to your room for a little bit? Your mom and I need to talk.”

Emmanuel crosses his arms. “I want to talk to mom.”   
“I know that, kid, but we need to have some grown-up talk first.” Ted ruffles his hair.

“No!” Emmanuel shakes him off. “I wanna talk to mom!”   
“Go to your room.” Ted makes requests and gives suggestions rather than give orders, mostly, but he knows he’s not gonna win this one. “I know you’re worried about her, but this is important. I’ll make her come get you, okay?”   
Emmanuel stalks off without saying anything.

Ted sighs, but he’s achieved what he needed. He goes over to knock softly on Tanya’s door. “Tanya? Can I come in?” There’s no answer, but the door unlocks, so he goes in. “What’s up?”   
She’s sitting on the edge of the bed, and she’s been crying. “Not much, just…” She sighs. “I talked to Rob.”   
Ted sits next to her. “Do you want to talk about it?”

She laughs, but he suspects it’s just to stop herself from crying. “I guess. I don’t know. I thought… We were fine. It’s only been a few months, but I thought… He was supposed to be better than this.”   
“People usually aren’t,” Ted says, because it’s true. “When you told me you were pregnant back then… I honestly considered hanging up on you. I didn’t, because I’d spent my entire life not being my parents, and there’s nothing they would have loved better than knowing that I abandoned another kid. I’m sorry, I wish I had something better to say.”   
“It’s alright.” Tanya leans against his shoulder, so he wraps an arm around her. “You’re already helping a lot more than I could reasonably expect. This one isn’t your kid, you’d be perfectly entitled to just take Emmanuel and leave, but… You didn’t.”

“Well, you’re my friend.” Ted laughs a little. “Plus, I don’t think I could look Charlotte in the eyes for two weeks if she knew I’d left someone who was in a bad place, so… Can’t risk that.”   
“Who’s Charlotte?” Tanya looks up at him and looks temporarily distracted.

Ted decides to seize the distraction. “Charlotte’s my girlfriend. It’s been like… A week now? Give or take a few months.” He grins.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”   
“Long story. Do you want it for distraction?” Tanya nods, so Ted orders the story out in his head. “Right, okay. So she was married to this asshole named Sam for… A really long time. And he was cheating on her, which isn’t the worst of what he did, so a few months back, she and I hooked up, and that kept happening a few times. Then Sam left her a few weeks ago, and then last week I took her on a date, and well… Yeah, that’s it, short version.”   
“So she’s the friend having a divorce?” Tanya has gotten her sarcastic tone back now.

“Yup.” He grins. “Also the person, back in July, I mentioned that I worked with and probably wouldn’t bring home again.”   
“Well, at least working with her means you get to see her.” Tanya leans against his shoulder again. “I don’t know what to do Ted. I can’t handle another kid, I mean, money’s not the issue, but just… Time. And especially with a baby, they’re so much work.”   
“I’m still here.” Ted shrugs. “I’m not that kid’s father, and we both know I’m not much help with a baby, but hey, I’m around anyway. And that’s Emmanuel’s sibling, I should at least be around enough that the kid’s not scared of me.”   
Tanya laughs a little at that. “Yeah, but… You don’t have to. I’ll make it work. But thanks.”   
“I’ve been your designated babysitter for six years, might as well keep up the act.” Ted turns to give her a proper hug. “Come on, Emmanuel is worried about you and cross with me, so I think it’s better if you go talk to him.”   
“What did you do?” Tanya stands up and walks to the vanity in the corner. “God, I’m a mess.”   
“It’s fine, he already knows you’re upset. And I sent him to his room. I think it’s the first time I’ve given him a direct order, so he’s not happy with that.”   
“You’re gonna need to be harder on him.” Tanya pours something on her hands and rubs it on her face. “I know you have issues, but you can’t let him have everything.”   
“I know, and I don’t. I can say no to him. But I normally just ask or suggest, I don’t give orders.” Ted stands up as well. “I’ll go make dinner. You go talk to him.”   
“Yeah.” Tanya looks back at him and smiles, looking significantly more put together. “He’ll come around, he adores you.”   
“I know, of course he will, he does every time you make him do things.” Ted laughs. “You’re gonna be okay?”   
“I… I think so. I just need some time.”   
“That’s fair.” Ted puts a hand on the doorknob. “Let me know if you need anything.”   
“Of course.”

Ted goes to start dinner while Tanya talks to Emmanuel. They have what Emmanuel calls family time that evening, watching Disney movies and eating ice cream, and Ted is inclined to agree, because it’s kind of nice. He misses Charlotte a bit, but he calls her when he goes to bed, and it’s fine, because Emmanuel is still more important.


	25. Chapter 25

Ted does go home Saturday, which is to say, he goes to Charlotte’s. Emmanuel stays with Tanya, because that was the original plan, but Ted promises he’ll come get him in a heartbeat, and knows that he means it.

Charlotte opens the door when he knocks. “Oh hi Ted, come on in.” She smiles and kisses him. “I didn’t know you were coming.”   
“Figured I’d drop by, see if you had time.” He smiles. “Hope I’m not interrupting anything.”   
“No at all,” Charlotte says, and it’s very obviously a lie, because there’s still-wet paint on her hands. “Just sorting out a few things.”   
“Well, I’ll help you out.” Ted drops his bag in the hall, tossing his jacket on top of it. “What are you up to?”

“Just painting the bedroom.” She walks towards it. “Sam took a lot of the pictures when he left, so the walls needed refreshing.”   
“Oh, that’s a piece of work.” Ted, who took a weekend to paint his entire apartment some months before, follows her in. “Do you want help or do you want someone to make lunch?”

Charlotte laughs. “Just keep me company, don’t get in the way.” She points at the bed, pulled out to the centre of the room. “Sit.”   
So Ted sits. They chat a bit, and Ted can’t help but annoy her a bit, getting up to give her a kiss on occasion, or just take the paint roller from her and do some of the work for a bit, despite her protesting that his clothes are too nice. She’s right, but Ted assumes his arms are long enough to stay out of it. He’s wrong, but he’s also not too bothered.

They do stop to go make lunch at some point. “It’s nice that you’re here,” Charlotte says while cutting bread for sandwiches. “I’ve missed you this week.”   
“Yeah, I missed you too.” Ted grins. It’s true, but he still feels odd saying it. “I wish we’d seen each other more.”   
“Me too, but family comes first.” She smiles and puts the last few things on the table, sitting down across from him. “What’s up anyway? You never said.”

“Right.” He half considers not telling her, just because it’s Tanya’s problem not his, but he decides that it doesn’t matter. “Tanya is pregnant again, and her boyfriend doesn’t want kids, so he refuses to talk to her now. So I just stayed around for Emmanuel’s sake, plus, he’s wanted all three of us to do things, so it was nice for him to have us both in the same house for more than a day.” He shrugs. “I feel sorry for Tanya, it’s hard for her.”   
“I can imagine.” Charlotte smiles softly. “She’s keeping the kid?”   
“Of course.” Ted nods. “She wouldn’t dream of anything else, don’t think I didn’t ask when she was pregnant with Emmanuel. And she has the money, it’s not that, but… A kid is effort. They take time, I don’t even wanna imagine what it would be like alone.”

Charlotte hesitates a moment, looking at him. “Will she be alone?”

“No, of course not, but…” He sighs. “Tanya doesn’t believe in step parents. Or adoption. That’s why she’s keeping the kids. If I’d walked out on her, she would’ve raised Emmanuel on her own. I mean, she practically did until now. So yeah, I’ll be around, but if I was a glorified babysitter to Emmanuel, I’ll be a regular babysitter to this kid, if that.”

"That's…" Charlotte hesitates. "That's a weird outlook to have."

"I know." Ted shrugs. "I've never asked more about it. When she was pregnant the first time, I asked her if she'd consider adoption, at least, but she refused. I'm happy she did, now, of course, but I always wondered why. Neither of us could afford a kid, I was working full time just trying to get through college, she had a job but not the time to take off. It's easier now, in that respect, she's got money."

"How did you manage?" Charlotte asks. "Back then, how did you do it?"

"Her parents. I didn't pay child support for two years. Or, I did, but her parents gave me the money back immediately. She was paid more by them than I was at work. Even once I got a better job they paid half for another two years, so it was only two years ago I started paying the whole thing. And now I don't, because that's how custody works, apparently. Makes sense, I guess."

"Yeah." Charlotte thinks for a moment. "How come you own your own apartment, but couldn't pay child support until two years ago?"

"That's why they paid half for a while." Ted laughs. "I said I'd pay the whole thing, but I'd been talking about that damn apartment for years, and they knew. They didn't tell me, just transferred the money the first time. I'm petty enough to tell them to cut it out, but not petty enough to return the money, so… They kept it up until I actually bought it. They're good folks, Tanya's lucky to have them, I guess that's why she was so sure she could pull it off."

"It's odd. You guys were both young, right?"

Ted nods. "22, both of us, when she got pregnant, 23 by the time Emmanuel was born. But Tanya is the most stubborn person I know, I wouldn't be surprised if she made a decision about kids twenty years ago and stuck to it." He shrugs. "It's her call, in the end."

"Sure, but…" Charlotte looks like she's searching for words. "Nevermind. You know, I always wanted kids. Sam… Didn't."

"Me either. I still don't, actually, I'm fine if they happen, but… I am actively trying to avoid it happening again." Ted smiles at her and winks. "But while we're sort of on topic, I think the paint in the bedroom is dry enough that we can go in there and try it out."

She shakes her head at him. "Oh Ted." But she gets up and takes his hand and pulls him to the bedroom, so he gets out of it exactly what he planned.


	26. Chapter 26

Charlotte comes home with him after work Monday, and Ted likes that. Because they don't do anything, really, they get coffee and talk a little, but Ted has things to fix around the apartment and Charlotte has work to do, so they just coexist. It's the first time Ted can recall coexisting like that with anyone other than Emmanuel and perhaps Tanya, and he likes that it's Charlotte.

They order out food, and he comments on it then. "I'm glad you came back with me." He smiles at her over the box of fried noodles he's holding. "It's been nice."

"We've barely seen each other," she says, laughing, but then her smile softens. "I agree, though. It's nice to just be."

"Exactly." Ted laughs and leans over to kiss her.

She pushes him away. "You've got chili sauce everywhere, it's disgusting."

He laughs and kisses her anyway. "Get used to it, Charlotte." He kisses her again for good measure.

She laughs. "You're being ridiculous," she tells him, but she smiles and leans over to kiss him again. "Damage is done now."

"Yeah." He shakes his head a little. "Are you staying the night?"

She shrugs. "Might as well. No one's waiting at home." Her smile drops a little.

"Sorry." He reaches out to squeeze her hand. "You can stay here."

"It's alright." She shakes her head. "I… Sam left. And that's fine, I don't wish he'd come back anymore. I'm just not quite used to it yet."

"That's alright." He's still holding her hand, so he just smiles a little.

"I still listen for him," she says, quieter now. "When I get home, I stop to listen if he's there. And when I wake up and I'm not with you, I listen for him. And I reach for my ring sometimes, and when I realise it's not there, I have a moment of panicking that I've dropped it, but then I remember that it's at home, in a box in my drawer. I'm almost considering buying a new one, just to wear instead."

"That's understandable." Ted squeezes her hand again. "It's been how many years? Of course you do. It'll take a while. You'll get used to the ring, too, but I don't blame you. Get one then, or… When's your birthday again?"

"In March."

"Okay, that's a ways off." He laughs. "I was gonna say I'd buy you one, I remembered it as December for some reason, but… Christmas then?"

Charlotte shakes her head. "No don't, it's fine, I'll get used to it. Thanks though, I love you."

Ted smiles and hesitates for too long. "I love you too." Because he does, kind of, and he figures it'll hurt her more not to.

She smiles back at him. "You don't have to say it."

"I know." He leans over to kiss her. "I wanted to. It's fine."

"But do you mean it?"

He shrugs. "Yeah. I mean… I'm dating you, and not just for sex, and that's a good sign. And I told Emmanuel about you, which I have never done with anyone else I've been in a relationship with, including people I've loved. So. I love you." It doesn't feel as weird the second time, and he means it, now that he's thought about it.

"How many relationships have you had since Emmanuel was born? Since that seems to be a measure." She's smiling though.

"Three." He knows the answer to this very well. "I mean, we can loosely disregard Oswald, because that really was just sex, so I wasn't about to tell him I had a kid. Lena knew about Emmanuel, but I never told him I had a girlfriend. Don't know why, I think I just… He'd want to meet her, and I thought it would upset Tanya, so I didn't, because I didn't want to risk him. Same for Jake, except he also would've walked out on me if he knew I had a kid, and I didn't want to risk that. Ultimately not a very healthy relationship, but apparently the kids thing wasn't a big enough red flag."

Charlotte looks at him for a bit. "I've never heard you talk about relationships like this."

He smiles. "Because I don't. Because… It was a while ago, and I'm fine. Because I don't talk about things very much." He shrugs and kisses her.

"Maybe you should." She puts a hand on her cheek. "After all… I haven't heard you mention your sister since you told me about her. How come you don't?"

Ted puts a hand over hers, holding it to his face. "Because Abi… Abi is important. I can talk about my exes, I don't because it doesn't make a lot of sense, but I can. But Abi… And Emmanuel too, really… They matter a lot to me and that makes it hard." He leans his head against her hand. "I don't really know why."

"It's alright." She smiles. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

He sighs and stands up, letting their hands drop. "I do, but… Let's just clean up after dinner, I have something… Yeah." He doesn't want to do this, but if it's with anyone, it's with Charlotte.

"Sure." She stands up and kisses his cheek.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's this late? Yes. Do I care? No
> 
> HEAVY warning for mentions of child abuse in this chapter. I've put *** on either side, but honestly, it's most of the chapter, so probably just give it a pass, I'll summarise in the end notes

They clear away in silence, then Ted takes Charlotte's hand and leads her to the bedroom and sits on the floor. "It's been a while." He sighs. "Just… Do me a favour and ignore if I cry, because this is… A lot."

"Don't do it then." She takes his other hand as well. "You don't have to."

***

"No, I— It's time." Ted sighs and draws his hands back. "Abi was… She was brilliant." He smiles a little, remembering. "She was so good. She could see everything, the whole world, in tiny details. She would draw and paint, incredibly well, she would… She could copy knots just by looking at them, and origami, it was incredible. She once showed me a flower, she must have been six or seven, and she showed me the patterns in the petals and told a whole story in it, and I never would've seen it. But she was… Slow, I guess is the word. She wasn't good at words, couldn't spell properly, couldn't read very well, wasn't good with numbers. I mean, she got by, it's not that, and we had good teachers, but I was a straight A student, always, and she wasn't. Our parents didn't like that, I guess they thought it made them look bad, especially after me. I hated that. They weren't good to me, but they were hell to her. I'd come home with an A- or a write-up or whatever, and my father would hit me and lock me up, and I wouldn't get dinner, but it was nothing compared to her. She was… I remember once, she had gotten a C+ and she was so proud of herself, and I was so proud of her… And then we got home. And she was beaten damn near within an inch of her life, and I tried to stop it, I did, but I was eleven and he was a grown man." Ted is crying now, still holding Charlotte's hands. "I mean, our mother was there, holding her. There was nothing to do. They locked her up, and I didn't see her for a week, except I'd sneak out at night and climb through her window, since we were both on the ground floor." He wipes his eyes on his shoulder. "I'd steal food for her. We learned not to tell anyone, because I did once, and they confronted our parents without actually removing us from the situation, and you can't do that. We didn't go to school for two weeks after that."

"Ted, sweetheart…" Charlotte reaches out to cradle his face, wiping his tears away. "You don't have to do this."

"No, I— I do, if I stop now I'll never…" He sighs. "It was mostly just that. Then birthdays would roll around, or Christmas, or God forbid Thanksgiving, and we'd get good food and amazing presents and be put at the centre of attention, and told to be grateful. Be grateful for this, for the life you have, and we pretended well enough most of the time, but not always. Then they'd beat us again." He goes quiet for a moment. "It was mostly our father, our mother just watched, helped sometimes, held us while he hit, but I think he hit her too. I don't know if… With Abi, when she was older, or even when she wasn't, I don't know if there was anything… She never told me, if that was the case, and I think she would have. But she was… She was loved. Her friends loved her, and I did, I do. I was saving up to get us both out of there. We were gonna move somewhere, maybe here, just East. Anywhere. Somewhere small, somewhere where we could get to school and get a place to live and stuff, where I could work. It was always the plan, I just stuck to it." He lets go of Charlotte to reach under the bed, pulling out an old photo album. "I sit with it sometimes, but I never open it." He hands it to her. "Go ahead and look."

She opens the album. "There are so many bruises," she says quietly.

"I stole that from my parents. I remember most of the pictures too, when they were taken, or at least I did twelve years ago." Ted reaches out for it. "I think… I barely remember what she looks like anymore."

Charlotte shuts it before he takes it. "There are pictures of you too," she says. "You were even skinnier then."

"They didn't always let us eat. That's why I eat so much shit now, it doesn't matter, it's food and it's better than going hungry. Always." He pushes the photo album back under the bed. "I don't think I can look at it."

***

Charlotte nods, then checks her watch. "I know it's still early, but let's go to bed. You look like you need it."

"Yeah." He smiles a little. "I just need to call Emmanuel, but I don't know, when I've been crying… No, I think today a text is okay." He takes out his phone and texts Tanya that he can't call, but to tell Emmanuel goodnight from him. Then he stands up just to sit on the edge of the bed. "I wanna go to sleep."

"Just get dressed for bed, honey, I'll be back in a second." Charlotte kisses him and leaves the room.

Ted sits for a moment, but does get dressed for bed. When Charlotte comes back, also dressed for bed, he pulls her close and doesn't let go, even as they both, eventually, sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ted tells Charlotte what Abi was like as a kid, what happened to the two of them growing up, and shows her childhood pictures.


	28. Chapter 28

He wakes up to Charlotte kissing him. "Come on Ted, we're gonna be late for work."

"I'm not going." Ted blinks against the light. "Migraine." And it's true, his head feels like bursting open, but he also knows it's not all of it. "You can take my car."

"Alright. I'll get you some aspirin." Charlotte, already dressed, gets up.

"Thanks." Ted manages a smile.

Charlotte comes back a minute later with some aspirin and a glass of water. "Here you go, honey."

Ted sits up enough not to spill the water and takes the pill. "Thanks. What time is it?"

"7.30." Charlotte hands him his phone. "I should get going. Call me if anything comes up, alright?"

"I will." Ted kisses her. "Go. I'll see you later."

"See you. I love you." She puts a hand on his shoulder. "Get some rest."

"I will, thanks. I love you too." He smiles.

Charlotte leaves, and Ted is left alone. He tries to sleep again, but sleep won't take, and he's not really tired. He is, however, getting hungry, so he gets up and gets food. Then he calls Tanya.

"Hi Ted, what's up?"

"Hey, do you know when Emmanuel is off today?" He sighs. "I'm not gonna pick him up, I just want to talk to him real quick so I figured I'd call."

"Yeah." Tanya hesitates. "He's off after noon, I think, but I won't get him until I'm off anyway."

"Sure. Thanks anyway." He's about to hang up when Tanya speaks.

"By the way, Ted, I had a thought… At this point, wouldn't it make sense to get Emmanuel a phone of his own? He's six, loads of kids have phones at that age, and with both of us calling all the time…"

"Yeah, definitely." The thought had crossed his mind, but he kept forgetting. "Yeah. I have an old one that still works, so I can go buy a cheap phone plan and have it next time he comes by."

"Sounds good. I need to get back to work, but I'll see you soon."

"Yeah, see ya. I'll call later." Ted hangs up and sighs. He knew calling Tanya wasn't gonna solve anything, but still, he hoped.

He gets up to get something to eat and take a shower, but heads back to bed pretty much immediately.

By the time Charlotte comes back, he's asleep again, and she stays another night, just laying in bed together and watching movies on Ted's laptop, save for when Tanya calls and he spends a bit talking to Emmanuel. It's better, and he falls asleep quicker that night, but he knows it's only because Charlotte is there.

He does get himself together to go to work the next day, but it's not easy. He hasn't even looked at the pictures, and still he remembers how she looks, now. He hasn't thought about anything more specific than the vague outline of a teenage girl with blond hair and wearing a denim jacket for years, but now he remembers how she actually looked, and it's not fun. He glances over at the picture of Tanya, polar opposite with dark skin and hair, every time it gets too much. Or he looks over at Charlotte, blue eyes and auburn curls, different. It doesn't help.

He picks up Emmanuel after work. "Dad!" Emmanuel runs up to him the second he's there. "Dad, did you hear I'm getting a little brother or sister? Mom said I shouldn't tell anyone but I can tell you because you already know, right?"

"I know." Ted laughs and gives him a hug. "Go get your things, we're going home."

"Okay." Emmanuel runs off.

Another parent looks at them. "I don't think I've ever seen something like that," she says.

"Like what?" Ted looks at her; she's about ten years older than him, and she's staring.

"A kid so excited to leave. Every time I pick up my kids they want to stay with their friends." She shakes her head. "You must be extraordinary."

Ted shrugs. "I don't know. He's not used to seeing me that often yet, I think. But I'll admit it's nice." He smiles.

"Of course." The other woman smiles at him. "How come I never see you? I pick up Jordan at this time every day and I swear I've never seen you before."

"I'm a little early today." Ted checks his watch. "Work finished on time for once."

Emmanuel comes back with his bag and coat. "Dad, do we have to shop now?"

"No, I shopped yesterday. Come on." He walks out with half a wave at the woman he'd been talking to. She waves back.

"So," Ted says once they're in the car. "Are you excited about your new sibling?"

"Yes!" Glancing in the rearview mirror, Ted can see Emmanuel almost bouncing in his seat. "Mom says I can even get to help choose a name. As long as it's not stupid."

"That's a good rule," Ted says. "What names have you thought of?"

"Hmm…" Emmanuel goes quiet for a moment. "I like Emily. Or Benny. Or Sandy. Or Abi. Or—"

Emmanuel keeps talking, but Ted tunes him out. Abi. He can't have that, but Tanya knows. She'll have to know.

"Dad?" Emmanuel's voice snaps him back to attention. "Where are we going?"

"Home." Ted realises that he's driven too far, temporarily distracted. "I'm just going another way today." He turns down another side street, knowing that he can make it back to his own building without doubling back. "Don't worry about it."

And yeah, it takes a few minutes longer to get home, but they make it, and by the time they do, Ted has shaken off his shock and can ask Emmanuel to read aloud for him, this time, since he's learning.


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANYWAY I was so sure this was 31 chapters that I didn't check until today, turns out it's 33

Emmanuel doesn’t want to go to bed. “I’m scared dad.”

“What are you scared of?” Ted has enough patience to let him. “Is there something I can do?”

“I’m scared of the dark.” Emmanuel tugs Ted’s sleeve. “I don’t wanna sleep.”   
“You can sleep with the lights on.” Ted walks him to his room. “That’s fine.”

Emmanuel hops up on the bed and crosses his arms. “Will you stay?”

Ted sighs. “Sure. Why not?” He smiles. “Is this just to get me to read for you a little longer?”   
“No.” Emmanuel smiles. “But will you.”   
“Of course.” Ted ruffles his hair. “Of course I will.”

It’s not that he means to stay, but it gets late before Emmanuel sleeps, and Ted is tired and it’s been a long week, and he still doesn’t like sleeping alone.

When Emmanuel wakes him up in the morning, shaking his head, Ted smiles at him and laughs with him, and is reminded, not for the first time, why he asked for more time.

Charlotte walks up to him the second he walks in. “Come have a smoke with me, please.”

Ted kisses her and smiles. “I just got here, I’ll just drop my things. Go ahead, I’ll be out in a second.”

“Alright.” She leaves.

He drops his bag by his desk and walks outside. Charlotte is in the parking lot, smoking, so he walks over and wraps his arms around her. “What’s up? You alright?”

She shakes her head. “I had to call Sam yesterday. He… I don’t like to talk to him anymore. It’s weird. I thought I’d miss him but… I’m just afraid.”   
“I understand that.” Ted leans his head against hers. “Is there anything I can do?”

“I don’t know.” Charlotte throws down the finished cigarette and lights up a new one. “I want to miss him.”

He doesn't know what to say, so he just kisses her. "Do you wanna go back in?"

She nods, so they walk in, still silent. Ted kisses her, and then they go to work.

She doesn't say anything when they eat lunch together, and she insists on going home alone. He worries, but doesn't call except to say goodnight.

Ted ends up buying Charlotte a ring for Christmas anyway. It's not a particularly expensive ring, a thin band of silver with both their names engraved on the inside, because he realises that it coincides with their three-month anniversary, and he's not sentimental enough to care about anything but full years, but it's Christmas, and she's spending it alone, so he comes by on Christmas Eve before heading to Tanya's. He considers inviting her, but doesn't, because Tanya is stressed enough as is. He promises her he'll have Christmas at his own place next year so that he can invite her, and she says it's okay. She'll be fine. And he believes her, because why shouldn't she. He promises to come by again as soon as he leaves, and it's fine.

He's gotten two presents for Emmanuel, because he does feel bad that Tanya's family gets several and Ted gets just the one. Tanya shakes her head at him, but he pretends not to notice.

He goes to Charlotte's again on the 26th. She doesn't answer when he knocks, but the door is unlocked, so he goes in, feeling uneasy. Door unlocked and no answer is never good. "Charlotte?" He walks in, quickly dumping his jacket and shoes in the hallway. "Charlotte, are you home?" She could've just gone for a cigarette, he supposes, but he can't quite shake the feeling that something is very wrong.

He sees her the moment he walks into the living room. She's laying on the floor.

"Charlotte!" Ted rushes over and kneels down next to her. "Charlotte are you alright? What happened?" Her eyes are closed, but she's breathing. He takes her pulse; slow, but steady. "Charlotte, wake up." He kisses her forehead. "Right, okay. You're breathing which means you're alive, which is good. Why are you unconscious?" He checks her head; no blood, no bruises. "Okay, okay. Water. Sugar. Let's get you up." He lifts her up just so she lays on the couch instead of the floor. Then he goes to the kitchen and comes back with a cup of cold water and a wet cloth. He sits with her head in his lap, putting the cloth over her forehead. "Come on Charlotte, time to wake up." He lifts her, resting against his shoulder, putting the cup to her lips, carefully tilting a bit of water into her mouth. She swallows it, which is good. At least he hopes so; he doesn't actually know, he's just trying to remember what he'd been told on the CPR course he'd done at 16. And trying not to panic. "Wake up."

Charlotte stirs a little. "Sam?"

Ted pretends not to be hurt. "No, it's Ted." He gives her a little more water. "How are you feeling?"

Charlotte blinks. "Ted?" She smiles, then furrows her brow. "What happened."

"I don't know." He holds her against him still. "I came to see you. You weren't answering, but the door was unlocked. You were unconscious on the floor when I came in. What happened? How are you feeling? Should I take you to the hospital?"

"No no, I'm fine, I'm… It's fine." She leans against him. "I don't know what happened. I… I have a headache, but I think that's just the hangover." She smiles a little, embarrassed. "Being alone on Christmas wasn't fun, and I probably had a little too much to drink. I got up, went to get something to eat… What time is it now?"

"Almost 2pm." Ted kisses her temple and hands her the cup of water. "Drink something. How long were you out?"

"Not long. A few minutes." She drinks. "I don't know what happened."

"Me either." Ted holds her. "You scared me. I thought you were dead for a second there." He's very quiet, almost whispering, and he can feel tears, but holds it together by the skin of his teeth.

"I'm sorry." She leans against him. "I think it's just… Dehydration. Lack of food maybe. I haven't had anything to eat since last night, and it wasn't a lot, and I haven't had water either, but I did have alcohol."

"You need to be more careful." Ted kisses her. "I love you," he adds, after a moment's hesitation. "Don't…" He's not sure where to end it.  _ Don't do this to me _ is what he wants to say, but he knows it wasn't intentional.  _ Don't die  _ also occurs to him, but it feels almost unnecessary. "Just take care of yourself."

"I will." She smiles a little. "It was just… Christmas was rough. I'm sure… Our anniversary is next month. Would have been next month. I might…"

"I'll stay with you." He doesn't even let her ask. "We'll have a date. When is it?"

"The 12th." She smiles and kisses him. "Thanks." She twists her ring, the one he had given her two days previously. "It's nice to have this again. It's nice that it doesn't make me sad anymore."

"Of course." Ted gently moves her to rest against the backrest instead of him. "I'm gonna get you something to eat. Don't get up, and don't stop drinking water."

She nods, so Ted goes to the kitchen. He finds a roll of bread and some fruit and brings it back to Charlotte. "Here." He passes her the plate, then sighs deeply as he sits next to her. "Are you okay?" "I'm fine, I promise." She takes a bite of the bread. "Just hungover, I promise."

"Alright." He nods. "I'll trust you, but just… Please be careful."

"I will." She squeezes his hand. "I promise. Here." She reaches for her purse on the coffee table and pulls out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. "You look like you need it. And you need to come in and see me be fine. Go."

He takes it. "Alright." He kisses her and gets up. "I'll be back in a bit."

Ted walks back to Charlotte after two cigarettes and stays with her for several days. It wasn't the plan, but he worries, and they're both off work. When she genuinely is fine for several days, he accepts that it was just a moment, and it isn't until then that he realises just how much he has worried. It's not unusual, exactly, but it still feels different.

He says he loves her more in those three days than the entire three months they've been together.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another little trigger warning in this chapter, again, *** on either side of the paragraph and a summary in the end notes

Winter slips away without Ted really noticing. He sees Emmanuel even more, as Tanya gets more pregnant and more stressed about it, and he sees Charlotte more as their relationship becomes something closer to serious, and Charlotte and Emmanuel get properly introduced to each other. It's nice, in a way, but there is a part of Ted that feels like two worlds are colliding, and it is not an insignificant part. He lets it happen because there is nothing else he can do, and it's… Fine. He gets used to it. Emmanuel calls Charlotte  _ Char _ and she only flinches the first time.

Ted's birthday is in February. He tries to ignore it, but he also hasn't told Charlotte that plan, and well. She walks up to him as soon as he comes into the office that morning. "Happy birthday." She kisses him and presses a box into his hand.

"Thanks." He shakes her head. "Don't make a big deal out of it."

"Come on, birthdays are supposed to be fun." She's smiling still. "Open the present."

"No, Charlotte, seriously, I…" He pulls her away to the relative privacy of the break room. "I should've told you sooner, but I don't celebrate my birthday, and that is non-negotiable." He hands back the box. "I'm sorry, I just… I can't. I don't wanna talk about it, especially not at work, but just don't. Give me that another day." He tries to smile. "Today is just gonna be a bad day and that's the way it is."

"Oh." She looks at the box in her hands. "I… I'm sorry, I thought—"

"Don't worry." Ted pulls her in for a kiss. "I should have told you earlier, before the day. But hey, I'm alone, so you can come home with me. A date, yeah?"

"Yeah." Charlotte nervously twists her ring, the box now tucked under one arm. "I… I love you."

"I love you too." He gives her a hug. "Come on, let's get back to work."

They head back and Ted gets through the rest of the work day without further mention of his birthday. He makes it all the way home, driving with one hand to hold Charlotte's with the other because even after almost five months, plus a bit, that hasn't quite gotten old yet.

Once they're inside, Charlotte takes both his hands and leads him to the couch. "Okay," she says. "What's wrong? You're even more distant than usual."

***

"It's my birthday." He tries to smile. "Okay, um… When we were kids, birthdays were the worst days. I mentioned it a little bit, when I told you about Abi, birthdays sucked, because we were the centre of attention, we were expected to be grateful, and that's hard when you've got nothing to be grateful for. And if we didn't pretend well enough… When I turned five, it was three weeks at home after my birthday, because I'd thrown a tantrum." Ted puts a hand on his own arm, rubbing the phantom pain. "Did you know that if you break your upper arm, they can't put it in a cast?" he adds quietly.

Charlotte looks horrified. "You were five. A baby."

"Yeah." Ted shrugs. "I don't remember the first time they hit me, I must have been tiny. Before Abi was born, I think. I had barely learned to walk the first time I stepped between her and them, at least." He's keeping his voice soft, nearly silent, and he doesn't look at her.

She pulls him into a hug. "I'm sorry." She holds him. "I… Being hit by people who are supposed to love you is never fun." She takes a deep breath as though steadying herself, but there are tears in her voice when she continues. "The first time Sam hit me… It was a few years ago, and I didn't know what to do. It had to be a mistake. Now… It wasn't."

"It's never a mistake." Ted pulls her closer, halfway into his lap, and holds her. "I never had that, because I don't remember, but… I was seven. Going to a friend's house. And his parents were… Good. They didn't yell, didn't hit, didn't do anything. Of course my parents didn't do that when we had friends around either, but I asked my friend something, how often they hit him or something, I don't remember, and he was horrified. His parents were too, so they talked to my parents. It took a few weeks to go to school after that, too."

"I'm so sorry." Charlotte pulled back to kiss him. "I didn't— I mean, I knew you'd been abused, but not the extent of it."

"Yeah." Ted forces himself to smile at her. "There's another reason I don't celebrate my birthday. It's the anniversary of Abi dying and me leaving home, so… Not a good day, overall."

***

"Oh." Charlotte gives him another hug. "What do you need?"

"A distraction." Ted picks her up. "Something else." He carries her to the bedroom and kisses her. "You."

"I love you."

He doesn't answer, and sex isn't nearly the distraction it has been, but it works alright, anyway.

It’s a few days later when Ted thinks about Abi again. It’s been far too often the past year, but it’s Emmanuel’s fault this time, so he forgives it a little easier.

It’s a weekend, and they’re having pancakes for breakfast Saturday morning. “Dad, did your parents make pancakes for you when you were a kid?”

“Sometimes.” Ted can feel his smile stiffen a little. “Usually I made them myself when they weren’t home.”   
“Yeah, but when you weren’t alone, when you were my age, did they?” Emmanuel grabs another pancake from the plate in the centre of the table and pours syrup on it. “You weren’t alone when you were my age.”

“No.” It’s a lie, but he doesn’t care. “Of course not. But my parents weren’t good at cooking, so we didn’t get pancakes often.” The truth, Ted thinks, is that they weren’t good at cooking  _ for them _ , meaning himself and Abi.

“Hmm.” Emmanuel devours his pancake in two quick bites, then grabs another. “We should have pancakes more often then! For all the ones you missed as a kid.”   
“That’s a nice trick.” Ted grins and ruffles his hair. “But no, pancakes are a special treat.”

This elicits a pout from Emmanuel, but one quickly broken by a grin. “Are there more pancakes?” he asks, grabbing the last one.

“That’s your eighth, if you’re more hungry you can have a bagel.” Ted gets up and grabs the now-empty plate, bringing it to the sink. “You have some homework I promised your mom I’d help with.”

“I don’t wanna do homework.” Emmanuel pouts again. “I want you to read to me.”   
“Homework first.” Ted loads their dishes into the machine and sits back down. “Go find your things. We’ll do some work first, then we can read again, alright?”

“Alright.” Emmanuel is still pouting, but he goes to get his things.

They spend an hour going over Emmanuel’s arithmetic homework, and Ted forgets about Abi and focuses on Emmanuel. It’s been six years, but there is still a part of Ted that keeps being surprised when he’s proud of him. It’s smaller now, but the pride isn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ted explains to Charlotte why he hates birthday, and his own in particular


	31. Chapter 31

Ted hates buying presents for Charlotte. Not because he doesn’t want to give her things, but because he never knows what to get her. But her birthday is the following day, so he bites the bullet and asks Paul to come with him to Lakeside after work.

“I don’t even know where to start,” Ted says, looking around the mall. “I mean, what should I get her?”   
“I don’t know Ted.” Paul shrugs. “She likes jewellery, right?”   
“Yeah, but I got her a ring for Christmas.” Ted takes a few steps towards a random store, then stops. “Chocolates? Flowers? I don’t know.”   
“Right, okay, Ted, listen.” Paul grabs his shoulder. “It’s the thought that counts. I know it sounds cheesy, but it’s true. It’s not about what you get her, it’s about what it means. Show that you know her, that you know what she likes. Something relating to one of her hobbies, something she’ll love.”

“I know what to do.” Ted takes out his phone and scrolls through photos, throwing a few into an album. “Thanks Paul.” He starts walking off with significantly more purpose now.

“Where are you going?” Paul easily keeps up. “Got a bright idea?”   
“Yeah, just hope it’s not too late.” Ted walks into a print shop. There’s a small selection of picture frames along one wall, and Ted selects one that holds six photos total. Then he walks to the counter. “How quickly can I get six photos printed?”

“Like an hour.” The guy behind the counter can’t be more than twenty, and he shrugs. “Just send them to this email.” He taps a laminated poster taped to the counter. “Do you want me to frame them too?”

“Yeah, thanks.” Ted pays, hands over the frame, takes out his phone again to email over the photos he’s chosen, and then turns to Paul. “Alright, wanna go grab coffee or something? I have an hour to kill.”   
“Sure.” Paul smiles. “What photos did you pick?” he asks once they’ve sat down.

Ted hands over his phone with the photos he’s chosen. Mostly of himself and Charlotte together, two including Emmanuel, from when they’d had him for a weekend. Ted’s favourite was from the day they’d gone out for hers and Sam’s anniversary; it was the first time they’d gone out on a proper date since their first, both of them had dressed up nicely and driven to Clyvesdale to an expensive restaurant.

“This one is nice.” Paul turns the phone, showing the picture Ted had been thinking of. “You guys look happy.”

“Yeah.” Ted smiles. “I got used to taking a lot of pictures with Emmanuel, so I have a lot with Charlotte too, and I know she likes having pictures, documentation…” He takes back his phone. “Thanks for the tips. It helped.”

Paul smiles. “You’re welcome. It helped a lot with Emma, so I figured it would help with Charlotte too.”

“It did.” Ted nods. “It’s easier with kids, but I wouldn’t know what I want anyone to give me, if I accepted presents at all.”   
“Which reminds me.” Paul looked momentarily confused. “Won’t you be turning 30 soon?”

“Already did. Don’t celebrate, don’t tell people. It’s not a big deal.”   
“Oh.” Paul shakes his head. “Whatever. What time is it?”

Ted shows his phone screen. “I need to go get the photos soon. Any plans?”

“Going to Emma’s.” Paul shrugs and gets up. “Thanks for the coffee. See you tomorrow.”

“See you.” Ted nods. “Thanks for the help.”   
Paul leaves, and Ted goes to collect the photos and the frame. It looks better than he expected, so he stops by a craft store to buy a large gift bag and leaves the whole thing in his car, because he plans on going with Charlotte home on her birthday.

Which is exactly what he does. He also says happy birthday in the morning when they get to work, but they drive back to her place together in his car. “Go on up,” he says when they get there. “I just need to do something, I’ll be up in a second.”   
Charlotte raises an eyebrow at him. “Okay Ted.” She kisses him. “I’ll see you in a bit.”

Ted nods and waits for her to leave. Then he grabs the gift from the back and follows her up.

She’s started the coffee machine when he comes in. “Happy birthday.” He hands over the gift and kisses her cheek.

“Oh!” She takes it and puts it on the table. “Thank you.” She gives him a quick hug before opening it and pulling out the frame. “I…” She’s smiling. “I didn’t even realise that you had so many pictures of us.”   
Ted smiles and puts an arm around her. “I know you said you miss having pictures around the house, since you took down the ones with Sam, so I figured this might be… A start.”   
“It’s perfect.” She gingerly sets down the frame and gives him a proper hug. “Thank you. I didn’t expect you to get me anything at all.”   
“Of course I did.” Ted pulls back from the hug. “It’s your birthday, of course I did.” He kisses her and goes to get the coffee.

“Yeah but… With how you reacted last month…”   
“That was my birthday.” He stirs sugar in her coffee and hands it to her before grabbing his own, drinking it black. “This is yours. They mean different things, and my issues shouldn’t stop me from celebrating you.”

Her smile, already on her face, widens as he talks. “I love you.”

Ted gives her a kiss. “I know.” He grins at her. She shakes her head at him, so he adds, “I love you too,” after a moment.

They spend the afternoon together, talking, and go out for dinner. It’s not that anything is different, but Ted is reminded again of why he bothers. There have been times over the past six months where he’s considered breaking up with Charlotte just because he doesn’t like the effort, but the way her eyes shine when they walk home hand in hand that evening, two glasses of wine and a nice dinner later, makes it worth it anyway.


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dad Ted is the content we need

Tanya invites him over for dinner one evening. Emmanuel is with Liv, so it’s just the two of them, and Ted is confused, but he accepts the invitation and goes.

“Hi.” Tanya gives him half a hug when he comes in. “Thanks for coming.”   
“Sure.” Ted looks at her. She’s visibly pregnant, but he’s used to that. “You’ve been crying.”

“Yeah, uhh… Come sit, we need to talk.” She walks to the kitchen, Ted following, and sits down at the table.

Ted takes a seat across from her. “What’s up?”   
“Um, Rob called.” She shrugs. “He wants to get back together, say he’ll help with the kid if that’s what it takes.”

“Okay.” Ted can hear the caution in his own voice. “What did you say?”

“I said we could discuss it. Ted, I love him, but… He said he wouldn’t live here while Emmanuel did.” She takes a shuddering breath, evidently on the verge of tears again. “I don’t know…”

“Tanya.” Ted reaches out to take her hands. “Look, we’ve always said it’s about Emmanuel, not us. Doesn’t matter what we want, the kid comes first. Is this the best for him?”   
“I don’t know. He could still be here, we could switch, so he lives with you but comes here. And I don’t know, with the baby on the way, maybe it’s fine if he’s somewhere where he can get full attention…" She shakes her head. “I don’t know.”

“Right, here’s what I know.” Ted takes a deep breath. “I know Rob doesn’t like Emmanuel, and frankly, I don’t know how to feel about my son being around a person who despises his existence, but that’s a different conversation. I know that you’re one of the best mothers in the world, and that you would do anything for your kids. I know that I would too. I know that you love him, and I know that that’s not always enough to save a relationship. I know that parenting should be something people want, because helping with the kid  _ if that’s what it takes _ is less engagement than I showed on day one, and he walked out on you for several months. Emmanuel can live with me if you want him to, but think about why you’re doing it.”   
Tanya nods, clutching his hands tighter. “I know, I just… I wanted this relationship to work so badly, and it didn’t. And I have this chance, and it’s the first time since Emmanuel was born that I’ve wanted something for myself.” She stares at her hands, then glances up at him again. “I want them to be happy, my kids. They mean everything to me. But should I be unhappy then?”

“No, of course not.” Ted smiles. “But will this make you happy?”

She draws her hands back. “Rob makes me happy. Him and the kids. It’s a girl, by the way, the little one. Emmanuel wants to name her Sandy, but I don’t know… It’s not important right now. I want him to come back.”

“Will he be in the girl’s life if you don’t take him back?” Ted asks. “Think about it. If you two have a falling-out down the line or something, will he leave her without a father? Because yes, there will always be a certain level of trust involved in these things, but if you know for sure that he’s gonna leave and never try again if you piss him off, that’s not a father you want your daughter to have.”   
“It’s the father she’ll have regardless.”

“No, Tanya, okay, listen.” Ted puts both palms flat on the table, trying not to tap his fingers. “I know you think biological parents are superior, but they aren’t. You know a little bit of what my parents did, but I’ll tell you more if you’re not convinced. I told you already, I’ll be here. If you’re so dead set on that little girl having a dad, let it be me. If Rob is gonna isolate you from Emmanuel, if he’s gonna be neglectful of his daughter, don’t let him ruin your kids, don’t let him hurt my son. Let me do it.” He isn’t sure why he’s putting so much effort into this, but he supposes that somewhere in being Emmanuel’s dad, he’s developed some kind of general sense of paternity and well. This affects him too, and Tanya knows, or she wouldn’t ask him for advice. “Let me help you with this. You can be happy with someone else.”

“Can I?” She’s properly crying now, but at least she’s not arguing.

“You can.” He decides to go for personal honesty. “Charlotte used to think she couldn’t be happy without Sam, so although she wasn’t happy with him, she stayed. They were married for fourteen years, and he was hitting her for the last five, but she didn’t leave because she didn’t think she could be happy without him. But I’ve known her for a long time, and she’s been smiling far more these past six months. Not just when she’s with me, but at work too, for other people. She cries less, too. She’s happier, and I like to think it’s at least partly because I’m there, but I know it’s also because Sam isn’t. She loved him, maybe she still does, but she’s better off without him, and she knows. You can be happier without Rob, too, because the way he treats your kids is always gonna bother you.”

She slowly shakes her head. “You’re right.” She sighs. “I shouldn’t take him back. Thank you, I… I don’t know why I ever thought it was a good idea.”

“Because you love him,” Ted replies, thinking about all the shit Charlotte forgave Sam for, and all the shit he let her put him through before they were even together. “But the kids come first for you, they always have.”

“Yeah.” She smiles a little. “I think… I am gonna put Rob’s name on the birth certificate, also just in case there’s something in hereditary, but I think a stepdad might not be a half bad idea.” She smiles a little. “Would you be okay with that?”

“Of course.” Ted smiles back. “You may not like Sandy, but what about Sandra? A little classier, but close enough.”   
Tanya laughs and nods. “Sandra is a good name,” she agrees. She puts a hand on her belly. “And then you get a hand in naming her.”

“Yeah, well.” Ted grins at her now; she’s still crying, but laughing through it. “Your last name, this time, I guess, or Rob’s if you really want. Or mine, but I am just a stepdad.”

“My own will do just fine.” Tanya smiles. “Anyway, yeah, thanks for the help and for being here. Dinner?”   
“Sure.”

They eat dinner together, still talking. Ted ends up agreeing to let Emmanuel move to his place more permanently once Sandra is born, just as a matter of taking some stress off of Tanya, but he also promises to come by and help whenever she needs him.


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's done! But more to come tomorrow

They decide to not tell Emmanuel exactly what's happening and just slowly up the time he's spending with Ted until he only sees Tanya once a week.

Of course Emmanuel is almost seven and a lot smarter than that. It takes him a month and a half, but he notices. "Hey dad, how come I live with you now?" he asks one day in the car.

"Oh, well, with your little sister coming along your mom is gonna be very busy." Ted smiles at him in the rearview. "So we figured it might be easier if you were with me more often."

"Okay." Emmanuel is nodding vigorously, or Ted assumes he is; he's concentrating on the road. "I like that. I like living with you, you have less rules than mom."

"Yeah, but we'll have more rules now," Ted says. "Not so much on the weekends, but you do need to go to bed on time on school nights, and you need to eat properly and do your homework."

Emmanuel pouts, which he has begun doing audibly by tutting. "I don't like rules. Or homework, I hate homework."

"Yes, I know, but we have to." Ted shrugs and pulls up in the parking lot. "I used to hate homework too, but my friend taught me this trick." He turns to look at Emmanuel. "It's not really homework, you're just preparing to be able to do everything."

"Everything?"

"Everything. If you do your homework and you do it properly, you can do everything." Ted knows he's lying and that he can ride this explanation for approximately a week, but hey. What is parenting if not lying about the benefits of homework and household chores?

Routine is not something Ted has ever been used to, but it's here now, in his life. He's alright with it, more than alright. In fact, despite him always being firmly against domestic life, he's finding that he likes it. He likes Emmanuel, the little things, helping with homework, reading to him at night, or listening to him read as he slowly gets better at it. He likes Charlotte, likes lunch together and small office exchanges, likes their nights together, even when they don't have sex.

Suddenly, before he has time to think about it, it's June, and Tanya is having a baby. He and Emmanuel come visit them in the hospital the day after.

Tanya is laying in bed, looking tired and worn out, but smiling. "Hey you two." She looks at Emmanuel. "Hi baby, how are you doing?"

"I'm not baby!" Emmanuel says. "That's baby!" He points to the baby Tanya is holding.

"Well, yeah." She laughs. "Come meet your sister." Emmanuel walks up and sits on the edge of the bed, and Tanya carefully hands over the baby. "Hold her head, be careful." She smiles and lets Emmanuel take the weight of the baby, but doesn't pull away. "Say hi to your sister, her name is Sandra."

"Hi Sandra." Emmanuel smiles. "Does she do anything?"

Ted laughs and walks over, ruffling Emmanuel's hair. "No, not yet. Eventually."

"You take her for a moment, Ted." Tanya smiles and gestures for him.

Ted takes the baby — Sandra — from Emmanuel and holds her, carefully supporting her head. "She looks like you," he notes, looking at Tanya. "And Emmanuel." He looks at him. "This is almost exactly how you looked at a baby."

"Really?" Emmanuel's eyes widen.

"Really."

Sandra stirs in Ted's arms, so he hands her back to Tanya. "We look like a real family," she says, Sandra in her arms and Emmanuel sat on the edge of the bed, Ted standing beside her.

"We are a real family," Ted says, echoing what he'd told Emmanuel more than a year prior.

And maybe, he thinks to himself, he's okay if his life stays like this, with Tanya and two kids and Charlotte waiting for him at home.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Mistakes](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23532067) by [Current521](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Current521/pseuds/Current521)




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